In this first lesson, Pastor Dave Capoccia explores what to expect from the class, how the world answers the fundamental questions of “Why do I do what I do, and how can I change?”, and what biblical counseling is and is not.
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all right well good morning and welcome to sunday school we’re getting started right at nine o’clock thank you so much for being here on time we have a lot to do today i’m really excited but let’s start with a word of prayer let’s pray heavenly father thank you so much for this opportunity to build up your people with your truth i pray that this would be a great time i pray lord help me to be able to speak uh clearly and hopefully and help us lord to take in your word and your instruction in jesus name amen well like i said i’m really glad that we’re doing this class and glad that you are here and i’m sure more will be arriving a lot of people have signed up for the class which is really exciting to me because it’s been my desire since finishing seminary to do a biblical counseling class at the church i’ve mentioned to you many of you before that counseling was something i really got into while at seminary i was required to take a counseling class as part of my pastoral training but i took some extra ones because i wanted to pursue certification with acbc the association of certified biblical counselors it’s just a biblical counseling organization but it was impressed upon me while i was at seminary that counseling is for everyone it’s actually really what the whole church should be doing and i’ll talk more about that a little bit later today so i’ve been eager to bring that kind of instruction to you and i’m glad that you’ve chosen to be part of it as well well this is our first class and uh i have three goals to accomplish in today’s class and our agenda here it was working before okay there it is today we just want to talk about first of all this class what is this class about i want to come back to that question that i’ve used to actually as part of the title of this class why do i do what i do and how can i change and then we’ll talk about what is biblical counseling i’m talking a lot about it i’m hyping it up but what is it really about so let’s first talk about what is this class about what can you expect from this class what is this class all about i’ve got a number of items here but first of all let’s talk about attendance i’m so glad that you are here and that many if not most of you have signed up but i’m expecting and i hope that you expect that you’ll be part of every class we’ve got 10 lessons to go through i want you to be part of all of them because that’s what i think will give you the maximum benefit you say oh what if i miss a class or i don’t know if i can make everyone that’s okay i think you’ll get benefit no matter what but commit to being part of every class that way you get the full benefit of this course i’m going to be here every class i want you to be here every class too and if you happen to miss a class go back to the lesson you missed these are being recorded just find it online it is 10 weeks this is just an introductory course a foundation setting course there’s a lot of things we can say about biblical counseling we could talk about various issues we can talk about eating disorders we can talk about suicidal thoughts we can talk about depression anxiety bipolar disorder various subtopics and we will touch on many of those but that’s too much for an introductory course right now we’re going to talk about the core principles of biblical counseling that really inform how we confront how we address many of those issues maybe later lord willing we can do courses on more specific topics in biblical counseling talk about class materials hopefully you have received or are receiving a folder uh take some time right now to put your name in the folder as you get it because it might be a chance that you leave the folder here at church and you lose it we don’t want you to lose your folder or lose the notes within what i’m presenting to you is this class is an adaptation of what was presented to me in seminary dr john street was my counseling professor and he has graciously given me permission to adapt his materials for this class some of you know dr street have read his books or you may have been part of the marriage conference he did for our church way back when i really appreciated his instruction and i’m basically passing it on to you my version of it my adaptation of it so i’m going to be giving you a handout each week for you to put in your folder just a one page handouts that you can follow along please make use of that and i’m also going to be supplying to you different homework articles different things to read as part of your homework you say what homework yes homework will be part of this class actually homework is very important part of counseling in general because as as dr street would say and as i say to my counselees the one hour you meet with a counselor is not the magic hour where everything happens and everything changes that’s just the guidance hour the real work actually happens throughout the week as a person engages with the homework and follows up on what you talked about in your counseling time together so for many of the same reasons i’m asking you to do homework as part of this course it is a reinforcement of what we’re talking about here and it is an opportunity to learn further now i’m not going to check it i’m not going to grade it but we will take time in class to talk about it so don’t be like oh i’m not going to joke and i’m not going to do it you’re shooting yourself in the foot if you do that this is a as just as it is with counseling you get in or you get out what you put in if you say well i’m not going to do the homework i’m just going to come to class you’ll benefit but not as much as you could have and this isn’t just about like oh you know scoring brownie points with dave or uh learning this really technical but abstract thing no this is about benefiting your life and benefiting the church so take the time to make the most of it do the homework and i’ll make sure not to make it too burdensome it’s just a little bit of reading or some very very light writing activities okay so homework will be part of the course make sure you do it it’ll benefit you what is the class format going to be well my intention is for each class to start with a little time discussing the homework i’ll ask you some questions about it i’ll ask you to share some of the things that you learned or that you had questions about i want to take some time the beginning of every class to do that and we’ll have our main lesson the main teaching time and lord willing if i can manage the class time well enough have time at the end of class for questions i like to teach interactively i’m not asking you to answer me just right now but expect that in the class i will be asking you questions that you need to answer out loud don’t feel like you have to raise your hand to answer you can just say it but if you have a question you can raise your hand and i’ll try and answer it in class but make sure it’s a short question if it’s a long question that’s a big introduction or it requires a long explanation say that to the end of class but if it’s a short question you can raise your hand and i’ll try and address it during class i’ll be using a powerpoint as a visual aid don’t expect anything super fancy with a powerpoint it’s just basic helpful i don’t have any animations or like really cool graphics it’s just a basic visual aid let’s talk about timing i intend to start each of these classes at 9am so make sure you get here early so that you’re ready to start and not miss anything i also intend to end before 10 am because we got other things to do today in church we have refreshment time we have the main service i know in the past if you have been with me in sunday school i didn’t always hit that mark sometimes when over i will not i am committing to not doing that i even set a little alarm on my phone to notify me when the class is coming to an end so expect that we will end by 10 o’clock expect also that in this class that you’ll be sanctified that’s actually one of the reasons why i wanted to do this class so much because when i took that class in seminary took the classes on counseling i didn’t just learn how to counsel other people i learned wow i didn’t even realize the sin and idols that i have in my heart that i need to deal with biblically and so myself my wife my fellow seminary students we all found wow i love the counseling courses because it really sanctifies me and so expect that that’s going to happen in this course you will be confronted over some of your sins or wrong beliefs or idols but it is for your benefit so expect that you will benefit spiritually from being part of this class and don’t don’t shy away from the uncovering and the transformation that this class will do to your heart that’s also one of the reasons why i gave the kind of long title to this class why do i do i do and how can i change i want to emphasize that this is not just for other people it’s for you that’s for each of us but it is not just for you it is also equipping for ministry expect that you’ll be equipped to counsel in this class you are called to do this as i’ll talk about more later today and i’m and i want to give you a theological foundation and a practical foundation to do this so if you find yourself at the very end of this just filled with a bunch of knowledge but not translating into any practical action then you miss the point of this course this is intent for you to not only help yourself with it but to help others one final expectation to talk about though is you’ll be challenged in this class there’ll be some things that you hear me say that you’ve never heard before or that are different from what you have learned or what you have experienced you may say hey you’re basically saying that this thing that i invested my life in or that i that i took part in was not helpful ultimately not really good for me that may happen in this class and you might feel inclined to be offended and to just dismiss what i say but before you do that i urge you to remember james chapter 1 game chapter 1 verses 19 to 21 it says this you know my beloved brethren but everyone must be quick to hear slow to speak and slow to anger for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of god therefore putting aside all filthiness and all that remains of wickedness in humility receive the word implanted which is able to save your souls now that verse gives us good advice for life in general don’t just speak right away don’t get angry right away but notice that the whole context there is actually about the word of god we’re inclined in our flesh when we hear some word that we don’t really like or that’s different than what we’ve heard before to be like oh whatever and we get angry at the person who tells us about it but don’t do that don’t do that in this class either be a berean you say huh that’s different than what i’ve experienced that’s different than what i’ve learned let me see if that’s really scriptural see if the bible really lines up with it i think and this is one of the things i definitely felt when i took the counseling courses in seminary we don’t realize how much our thinking has been affected by the world’s ideas especially how much we’ve been psychologized so expect to be challenged but in a way that actually leads to your good here’s a a look at what our lesson topics are going to be like i said we have 10 weeks to work together i won’t read all those to you but we can see our first five classes are kind of um dealing with some things related to biblical counseling to kind distinguish it from some of the other approaches to dealing with soul problems and the second half we’re dealing with okay how do we deal with these biblically there is a break in the middle notice we’re not going to have class on october 17th i’m probably going to be away that week but we should finish the week of thanksgiving november 21st all right that’s it for class expectations any quick questions did everybody get a folder anybody still need a folder okay great all right well let’s move to our second part let’s talk about that question that i use as part of the title of this class why do i do what i do and how can i change i don’t know if you’ve really thought about that question even for yourself but actually it’s a very important question in our world and a lot of people are thinking about it researching about it proposing answers to it people want to know why does society do what it does why do people in general do what they do why do i do what i do why do the people around me do what they do and we’re especially interested in this question when people act in a way that is strange or that is shameful or that is harmful to themselves or to others give you some example questions that will prompt us to think okay why do i do what i do why does a person keep going back to some enslaving activity gambling immorality alcohol drugs entertainment via television and video games why does a person live in transgenderism or homosexuality why is a person frequently fearful or angry or depressed why does a person commit murder even mass murder why does a person become anorexic why does a person overeat why is a person delusional believing what is false about himself and others these are questions serious questions that are prompted just by living in the world and watching how people act and when these questions involve our own selves or the people we love we want to know the answers the world provides answers some answers and i want you to brainstorm with me here’s a clearly interactive part of the class what does the world say what explanation does the world provide for why we do what we do and then as we answer that what does the world provide as a solution based on that explanation so i’ll give you one example just to kind of stimulate your thinking one possible explanation for why we do what we do is that it’s just our dna it’s our genetics you are predisposed or you are almost meant to be or act a certain way because of your genetics and the solution then if it’s if it’s because of your dna well we have to work in a biological way to counteract your dna we have to provide you medication or medicine what are other explanations and solutions the world gives for why we do what we do what would you say you can just say it don’t raise your hand but stay nice and loud that’s right based on experience they’ve had certain experiences especially bad experiences and it’s an explanation for what they do now they’ve been abused or they went through some trauma that’s why they do it with you but if that’s the case then what’s the solution to helping a person change had these bad experiences or traumas what do they need oh that’s true is okay to summarize a little bit what you said mark talking about even joseph’s experience what you experienced as evil what man meant for evil god meant for good so let’s look at more um how does god want you to view what you went through and how is he actually going to use it in a way that benefits you how does god want you to think about it and react to it now that’s not what the world proposes that’s actually i think something that biblical counseling would lead you to but what would the world say if you have these six bad experiences traumas what’s the world solution sorry again okay okay right okay so you i think i heard a number of different things and tina mentioned something but uh yeah certainly one idea will be to say it’s not your fault no you had this experience this thing happened to you so maybe we’ll put you in therapy we’ll kind of recondition you retrain you or put you in a different environment or give you some medication maybe all of those what other what’s another explanation for why we do what we do from the world you feel that you deserve it where does that come from okay all right i think that’s uh you say this this feeling of deserving but where does that come from where would the world say that comes from are you going to add to that are you going to sorry i have this fan right next to me do you say it a little more loudly yes yes okay right i think that’s along the lines of what juliana was saying this feeling of being a victim not getting what i needed or deserved i still feel like that’s one step removed from the original source why do we feel that way why is that true i think the world will offer different explanations um okay upbringing and i think that connects to maybe experiences or traumas it’s just the way you were raised it was just the way you were trained as a child why are you racist because you were raised racist why are you a christian or a muslim it’s the way you’re raised no other reason but if your upbringing was poor on or unhelpful well what do you need re-education you need to be reconditioned because your upbringing was not suitable or bring in some of those other solutions medication and such i think we can brainstorm a number of different answers just for the sake of time i’ll supply some more it’s your biology why do you do what you do it’s just those chemicals interacting inside your body it’s those basic evolutionary drives that’s why you’re so aggressive that’s why you’re so promiscuous it’s just your biology so what do you need well you need medication you need medicine you need some sort of medical treatment or it’s your genetics again we need medicine or you have on certain unconscious psychological needs that are not being met and that’s why you do what you do you have low self-esteem you have an inferiority complex you are not able to express yourself fully and what we need is those psychological needs to be fulfilled a therapist a trained therapist will help you do that whether people around you they need to help you do that it’s your upbringing it’s your experience it’s some sort of trauma it was the education you had it’s your environment sometimes we do hear this explanation you say well he was raised in poverty what do you expect he’s going to do or he lives as part of an unjust society society gave him no other way out what do you expect we even heard this with some of the protests that took place last year right some of the violent protests they say what do you expect it’s the environment they’re oppressed what’s the solution you have to change the environment they need to be placed in a new environment or you need to change society you need to reform society if you want people to change you got to change society you got to change their environment there needs to be justice and one other idea i think we could also mention is cosmic forces this isn’t as popular an explanation in america but it has been very popular throughout the history of the world why do you do what you do it’s because of your zodiac sign it’s because of how the stars were arranged when you were born it’s because of mystical forces working against you there are demons spirits that basically force you to do this actually the ancient greeks and romans said this a lot about their gods you look at stories like oedipus or some of the other ancient tragedies and there’s this idea of fate or the gods just working against you you can’t help it there’s nothing you can do or you have to placate those gods you have to placate those spirits you have to go through various rituals you have to channel the right energies offer the right sacrifices in order to change this is not an exhaustive list of course but these are some different ideas that the world supplies for why what we do what we do and how we can change but what do you notice is a pattern or common to these answers i think one of the things that you’ve already mentioned is they all essentially make man a what a victim he’s ultimately not responsible he’s a victim of his own biology of cosmic forces of society what else do you notice is common to these okay so along the same idea ken said no personal responsibility you’re a victim what else okay um i think that is part of one of the explanations um glendale mentioning because my father or grandfather acted a certain way that’s the way i should act or that’s the way i act i think that again it removes responsibility from yourself that’s part of how you become a victim or maintain the identity of a victim i think another thing that maybe is obvious to you or maybe not is that these explanations don’t really take into account the bible or god or what god says they also notice almost all the solutions have a an external focus to them things need to change on the outside if you’re going to change also notice that there’s limited hope for change i mean if it’s in your dna i mean that’s you we can medicate you we can give you some medicine but you’re gonna have to take that medicine the rest of your life and it’ll just help you kind of deal with it not necessarily be transformed or if the solution is to change your environment change society is that really going to happen are we really going to have a fully just society we’re never going to get there so are you ever going to be able to change fully these answers they provide limited hope for change they provide solutions that are ultimately unreachable or they just provide a coping mechanism now some of these answers and explanations there is some truth to them for some of these they do have a real influence on us and how we act and certain external changes can be helpful to a person it will help people act better if they are in a better environment for instance but these explanations are ultimately incomplete and their offered solutions cannot bring about deep and lasting change and one of the reasons we know that is because of what god says in the bible how does god answer these two questions why do i do what i do and how can i change i think there are a lot of different ways we can formulate the answer from the bible i think the way i’d like to answer it in a way that’s helpful for our class is the following your behavior reflects what your heart believes and loves your behavior reflects what your heart believes and loves therefore only when your heart is renewed to believe and love rightly will you act rightly it is only when your heart is renewed to believe in love rightly when you act rightly or to say it another way even more concisely why do you do what you do it’s because of what’s going on in your heart out of the heart the mouth speaks it’s not what’s external to you that defiles you it is what comes from your heart jesus says you heard from ecclesiastes recently what is in man’s heart insanity all the days of his life you think he acts an insane way because he’s insane in his heart therefore identifying what’s going on in the heart and changing the heart is key to changing how a person acts changing what they do changing their behavior but who who of us who in the world has the wisdom and the power to do this to see into the heart and to transform it you might say oh i think i’ve got it various psychologists and scholars throughout time have said that they figured it out but the bible says man’s heart is utterly mysterious and sick and deceitful it is a heart of stone we are all born enslaved to various desires even slaves of satan and sin how can you change a stony heart stubborn heart how can any of us change our own hearts let alone someone else’s implication from the scriptures is that you cannot even though you should you can’t even though you’re required to you can’t but who’s in the business of changing hearts god is the lord is he’s the one who gives us new hearts he takes the heart of stone away and he puts in a heart of flesh only god can change the heart but how does he do it how does he do it how is he chosen to do it you can answer this the gospel what were you saying the word renewing our minds through the word now how do we hear the word somebody has to tell us right and what makes the word effective the lord’s spirit the means that god has chosen to transform hearts is his people using his words and acting according to his spirit and you know what this is this is basically biblical counseling this is what biblical counseling is all about it’s god’s people using god’s words and relying on god’s spirit to change people that’s why we’re doing this class that’s why i’m excited about it that’s why you should be excited about it we are invited called by god to be part of something that the world wants to do but cannot do which is to change people from the inside out only god can do this and he’s chosen to do it through his word so from the outset let us resolve to take the double-edged sword of the lord which is powerful to change hearts over all the plastic butter knives of the world the world can only accomplish limited change they can’t accomplish some change but it’s limited it shall it cannot get to the heart the lord says i do that and i want you to be part of it but we need to rely on the lord we need to rely on his word which is why we’re talking about this now there’s a lot more to explain as to how we do this how we participate in this amazing ministry from god it’s part of that ministry of reconciliation that pastor bobby’s been talking about in his recent sermons there’s a lot to explain and clarify that’s why we have our 10 lessons but for the rest of today now that i’ve kind of pointed us to how biblical counseling is the superior answer to what the world offers i want to talk more of just what biblical counseling actually is there are a lot of misconceptions about biblical counseling maybe some of you have gone through biblical counseling and didn’t have a good experience or some people who don’t really know about biblical counseling they make some false claims or assumptions about it so i want to clarify what biblical counseling is and is not kind of doing a contrasting method of going through these points taking a cue from our our apostle john you go through his gospel you go through his letters there’s a lot of not this but that you don’t love your brother you don’t know god you love your brother you know god we’re gonna do something like that by talking about what biblical counseling is not what biblical counseling is i’m giving you 10 10 clarifications and there’s a space in your notes for you to take take some words down we’ll start with the most fundamental clarification biblical counseling is not using worldly wisdom with bible verses there’s a lot of christian counseling that does this it’s just basically psychology or some other type of worldly wisdom but they throw in a few bible verses pastors do this professional counselors do this that’s not biblical counseling just because you mentioned a few bible verses is not biblical counseling what is biblical counseling this is very important biblical counseling is using the bible to identify and change hearts biblical counseling is just using the bible to identify what’s going on in someone’s heart and helping them change you’re relying on the bible you’re using the bible can the bible do this does the bible do this well listen to hebrews hebrews 4 verses 12 to 13. hebrews 4 12-13 says for the word of god is living inactive and sharper than any two-edged sword and piercing as far as a division of soul and spirit both of joints of both joints and marrow and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart verse 13 and there is no creature hidden from his sight but all things are open and laid bare to the eyes of him with whom we have to do i mentioned you before there have been many psychological theorists who have claimed that they can see into the heart hey you don’t really know what’s going on but you have these basic uh repressed desires i can see them oh you had this dream i can see what’s going on this is not true but the bible can do what these men have claimed that they can do it can discern and expose the deepest hidden realities in our hearts and notice how in hebrews 4 12 how the word of god pierces it says it it pierces into the division of soul and spirit now understand soul and spirit are actually two words that describe the same thing heart mind soul spirit i’m going to argue later on those are all just different ways of talking about the same thing so he’s not talking about the piercing the division point of soul and spirit they’re actually the same or when he says to the division of joints and marrow well if you know what joints and marrow are you know that they’re not connected joints are certain parts of your body you know the various hinge parts of your body but the marrow is what’s inside your bone you don’t divide joints in marrow they’re not exactly connected so what’s he saying they’re not being divided one from the other but they’re being divided within your soul is being cut apart and exposed your spirit is being diced up your joints are being dissected your marrow is being atomized every part is being broken down at its smallest components and all this is an analogy to the last phrase it says the word of god is able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart what’s the difference between thoughts and intentions it’s actually not that much different in english and there isn’t in the greek words either they’re pretty much synonyms the point is they’re not separating one from the other but they’re being separated within the bible is able to break down what you’re really thinking what’s really going on in your heart it exposes it and not only showing you what is right and wrong and whether you measure up but also what are the motivations behind whether you’re pursuing right and wrong it is a total exposure of the heart i think of that other line in first corinthians 14 where paul was talking about i want all of you to prophesy and not speak in tongues why because if an uninitiated man comes into your midst and he hears everybody prophesy what’s going to happen his heart is going to be exposed his heart the secrets of his heart will be revealed that verse says and he will confess god is among you how did that happen the word the word revealed what was going on in his heart as theologians have said you don’t judge the word the word judges you so a biblical counselor someone who fundamentally on the first on the one hand he knows god’s word well enough to use it to show others what’s really in their hearts say hey look i see this in your life you know what the bible says about that not only is that sin but i know where it comes from it comes from this why are you so angry why are you in so many conflicts you know what the bible tells me why that happens it’s because you have as james ford would say you have these raging desires in your heart you have these lusts that you want fulfilled and because they’re not being fulfilled you get angry the bible shows us what’s going on in our heart but it doesn’t just id it also is part of what god uses to transform a heart the bible transforms hearts and to emphasize this point let me mention another verse to you colossians 1 28 colossians 1 28 says we proclaim him admonishing every man and teaching every man with all wisdom so we may present every man complete in christ i bring up this verse because of the word admonishing it’s a key term for counselors because it is the greek word nuthate oh and within this term is a root word noose greek noose n-o-u-s it’s the word for mind or understanding it’s equivalent to the heart actually biblical counseling used to go by another name it was called nuthetic counseling it is the ministry of god’s word to the mind to the heart and that’s really behind the idea of neutha the root idea of the word is to advise or counsel but it often has the idea of correction or warning away from a wrong course this is counsel this is instruction this is advice to go away from a wrong course and come back to the right course this is admonishment and notice in colossians 1 28 paul says that we we christians we use admonishment and instruction with all wisdom we have complete wisdom for this for doing all this counseling and instruction from where the bible from god’s word and what is the result now we just fill people’s brains now we just id’d their hearts but what do we present at the end every man complete in christ you mean with complete knowledge sufficient knowledge but actually it doesn’t just stay there it shows up in your actions your life is transformed that’s what god’s about right ephesians 2 10 we were created in christ jesus for good works so that we may walk in them our instruction our admonishment it is ultimately bringing about transformation and how we live how we behave and what else can make this claim to transform a person from the inside out a lot of people make the claim but the bible actually does it so this is fundamental number one but some might say in response no biblical counseling admonishment with the bible is shallow it’s just bible band-aids you’re just putting a bible verse over somebody’s deep hurt someone who’s really struggling you know take two bible verses call me in the morning a lot of people think that’s what biblical counseling is and unfortunately in some cases that is what people try to make biblical counseling be some lazy counselors are like that but that’s mostly an unfair characterization biblical counseling is not shallow it is deep someone wise in the word of god is able to get into the depths of someone’s heart like no one else can proverbs 20 verse 5 has the same idea this idea that biblical counseling is actually deep proverbs 20 verse 5 says a plan in the heart of a man is like deep water you can imagine that be hard to reach right hard to discern but notice the second half of the verse but a man of understanding draws it out how to become a man of understanding you need the word of god you can reach into the deep waters of a man’s heart besides believing that biblical counseling is shallow along with that is often the accusation that it is uncaring counseling is uncaring you’re just throwing the bible at people you’re not taking the time to listen and care you’re just tying up impossible burdens on people hey why are you not joyful in the lord you depressed person you need to repent again some lazy counselors some unfeeling counselors are out there who are like that but that’s not the majority this is an unc this is a slander biblical counseling really is filled with sincere love it is filled with sincere love if you’re not doing it with sincere love you’re not doing it rightly and this again this is the model we have from the scriptures listen to first thessalonians 2 you’re welcome to turn to these places first thessalonians 2 verses 7 to 8 this is paul describing his ministry among the thessalonians and listen to how he describes it but we proved to be gentle among you as a nursing mother tendently cares for her own children having so fond and affection for you we were well pleased to impart to you not only the gospel of god but also our own lives because you have become very dear to us who’s more tenor than a mother with her nursing newborn i can’t think of a maybe more tender example but paul says that’s the way i minister to you my flock and it must be the same for us when we look to minister god’s bible to others in counseling true biblical counseling is full of care sympathy investment into other people’s lives if you’re not showing that other person that you care if you’re not grieving with them over their griefs you’re not taking time to listen and understand you’re not doing biblical counseling the biblical counseling doesn’t sell short the word of god’s power doesn’t say hey you know that’s all so hard yeah i guess i guess you really can’t change that’s not what the word says you wouldn’t be loving if you told somebody that we don’t replace true love with mere niceness but biblical counseling is full of sincere love but how necessary is it a lot of people assume that biblical counseling is optional hey i’ve never heard of biblical counseling before meh i guess we don’t really need it i mean nice to have at our church but we don’t really need it right actually biblical counseling is essential it is critical to god’s people the church and again we can just look at the examples from the scripture listen to paul describe his ministry in the town of ephesus acts chapter 20 verse 31 acts chapter 20 verse 31 paul says to the ephesian elders therefore be on the alert remembering that night and day for a period of three years i did not cease to admonish each one with tears this is very poignant statement we see the word admonish again but notice how constant how individual how sincere was paul’s new techo ministry he says i did not cease i was doing it night and day and i went to each one and i was talking to them with tears why paul because i know they need it and in the context of this verse what is his exhortation to the elders why does he mention this because he says savage wolves will arise in the church and they will mislead therefore i’ve got to know to tell you each one of you but someone will say well surely preaching will take care of it just let the pastor take care of it from the pulpit the elders do we really need individual counseling well it’s amazing how people are able to shrug off or ignore preaching i went on a short-term missions trip to ukraine some years ago and part of our ministry there is that we gave our testimonies every day that we met with ukrainian children in kiev who came out to play baseball with us we gave our testimony we gave the gospel they heard it 10 times but there’s this one young man who towards the end of our time there i engaged in a conversation asked him about his relationship with god and when i began to explain the gospel to him he reacted as if he had never heard it before i was like we’ve just been telling it to you for 10 days straight how did you miss this that’s just what people do they tune out during the sermon they say that applies to somebody else or they come up with their rationalizations for what they do and they miss it that’s why it is so important that we engage with one another on a personal basis with the word of god to use a martial analogy actually dr street used this preaching is kind of like the shotgun a blast that is wide but biblical counseling is like the sniper rifle where there may be certain hardened positions where that scatter shot attempt is not going to reach them they need a little bit more focused strike you say oh that’s a little violent analogy okay let me use a different one let’s talk about a food analogy preaching is like spreading a buffet for people come and eat but there are some in the congregation who just aren’t willing or they’re so weak that they can’t bring themselves to eat the food and you know what they need they need it personally deliver it to them sometimes they need to be spoon fed that’s why we need counseling that’s why we need the personal ministry of the word but who’s supposed to do it there’s another misconception about biblical counseling this should be practiced only by experts you know biblical counseling you know that’s kind of like an elite sounding term professional surely that’s just for the pastors and elders right but the certified counselors you know professional counselors i shouldn’t take part of that work right no that’s not true biblical counseling should be practiced by all christians it should be practiced by all christians really we are all counselors whether we want to be or not people are always coming to you for advice or they just talk about their lives and you have an opportunity to say something we’re all counselors the question is are we biblical counselors or not are we actually using the word of god accurately and skillfully god has called us to do this colossians 3 colossians 3 16 says this let the word of christ richly dwell within you with all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs singing with thankfulness in your hearts to god let the word of christ dwell within you and teach it to one another who’s this exhortation to in the church the pastors the elders the leaders to everyone everyone’s supposed to be doing this originally this was given to a bunch of new gentile christians say oh are they qualified for that they are if they let the word of christ grow which are within them that’s what god’s called you to do and me to do but can we do this surely we need to be trained in this we need to be equipped with the word we need to understand and know the word but we can do this and it’s the expectation that we will and it is important that we do not try to outsource this ministry to some people or organization outside the church it is good to have the guidance and the oversight of elders when it comes to counseling it’s good to have the mutual accountability and admonishment of the fellowship of the church really counseling is part of church discipline it’s not separate from that and when it is separate from it counseling suffers because counseling oftentimes means a confrontation of sin and sometimes a person is not willing to change or they say they’re willing but they’re actually not and what do you do what do you do at that point just stop well the word of god says no there’s a certain process you are to take and if the person is still unwilling you have to remove them from the church for their own sake so that they’ll feel the pain of their sin but also for the church’s sake and for the lord’s sake discipline the discipline of the church gives counseling teeth and it protects the body from those who resist counseling so counseling is supposed to be part of the church and should be practiced by all christians but for whom is counseling who’s supposed to be given counsel it is not just for failed christians psychologists and other counselors have worked for a long time to remove the stigma of their ministry say oh you go see a psychologist you go see a counselor in the beginning people thought that that meant you were insane or you had some terrible problem but now it’s kind of accepted unfortunately there’s still a stigma when it comes to biblical counseling a lot of christians will not seek out biblical counseling because they’re too ashamed oh i don’t want to be one of those failed weak christians i don’t want to see a counselor i don’t want to admit that my marriage is about to fall apart and you know that we know what happens because of that they usually wait until it’s almost too late to to go seek counsel that’s not the way it should be done because counseling is not just for those failed christians it’s for everyone it should be done by everyone and it should be received by everyone what christian is really beyond the need for advice counsel and warning first thessalonians 5 14 says first thessalonians 5 14 we urge you brethren admonish the unruly encourage the faint-hearted help the weak be patient with everyone have you ever needed one of those things you ever felt weak ever been unruly ever been fainthearted pastors sometimes feel that way just look in the scriptures elijah he asked god to kill him because he was so discouraged in his ministry jonah was extremely prejudiced against people god told him to minister to peter had to be confronted by a fellow apostle because he was no longer acting in a becoming way with gentile christians they all needed counsel and encouragement admonishment you think you don’t we all need the help of counseling the help of the bible and restoration in it new christians long time christians parents children pastors laymen no one’s beyond this need it’s actually a mark of wisdom to seek out counsel say oh i don’t want to be seen as one of those weak foolish christians to seek out counseling you show yourself weak if you don’t go seek counseling proverbs say again and again a wise person is someone who seeks counsel now another question people might have is is counseling different from discipleship i don’t even want to call it counseling it’s just discipleship right well it’s not really separate it’s just a focused aspect of discipleship we talk about discipleship we’re talking about that intentional long-term investment in another person by teaching encouragement and correction discipleship is just a focused version of i mean counseling is just a focused version of that when there’s a particular issue or question or problem in a person’s life person struggling with pornography or their marriage is very rocky or they’re cutting themselves that needs a little focused attention discipleship is more general counseling is more specific but it’s part of discipleship and it’s important for us to realize that because the discipleship usually manifests immediate results no it’s a long-term thing isn’t it sometimes people change after the one conversation you have with them but oftentimes it takes time it takes training i have some more bible verses to share with you but we’re running a little short on time so i have to skip them but the bible talks about our being trained in righteousness by the word of god but also are being trained in sin training is a an ongoing process a reinforcing process and when someone’s trained in sin when you just tell them hey you should stop doing that the bible says to stop doing that actually that’s not enough they need some further instruction they need some encouragement they need some accountability and that takes time biblical counseling requires patient discipleship if you’re not willing to do that then you’re not doing biblical counseling you’re going to get frustrated with your counselees and they’re not going to change they need your focused ongoing discipleship counseling is part of that couple more clarifications this is important biblical counseling is not about fixing people’s problems may surprise you this is often why people come and ask for counsel they want a more harmonious marriage they want relief from pain they want their roommate to stop leaving dishes in the sink and they say can you fix this can you help me fix this and out of compassion compassion we want to say yes yeah i’ll help you i’ll help you fix this situation but beware of that that is not the true goal of biblical counseling if you adopt that goal that agenda you will be frustrated and your counseling will be led astray because what is the real goal of biblical counseling for people to be sanctified and to glorify god we often cannot fix people’s situations and it’s actually not totally profitable to do so because you could fix externals and the heart will still not be changed we are chiefly concerned with people living right before god and his glory before god for his glory first lesson in olympians 4 3 says this is the will of god your sanctification first peter 4 16 says if anyone suffers as a christian he is not to be ashamed but he is to glorify god in this manner are you suffering i can’t necessarily relieve you from that but i can show you how to glorify god through it by living in a holy way acts 3 6 a beggar was asking for money from peter and john and they replied i do not possess silver and gold but what i do have i give to you in the name of jesus christ the nazarene walk and we need to have that attitude in counseling i can’t fix the situation for you or i might not be able to but i can show you how to live rightly before god i can show you how to have joy in the midst of your difficult situation and whether your spouse changes whether your situation changes whether society ever changes i don’t know but you don’t need that the lord is enough let me show you how we can show people how to endure with joy two more i’ll just mention these quickly consequently counseling is not focused on behavior you say i thought you were interested in having people change yes we do want to ultimately see behavior change but if behavior changes in the heart doesn’t that’s not good because then we’ve just created a pharisee we don’t want just to get outward conformity we want to see people reconciled to god therefore we want to see their hearts change biblical counseling is not focused on behavior though it it must affect behavior don’t tell me your heart’s changing your actions don’t change but we want to see the heart change too and then finally vivo counseling is not guaranteed to change people i don’t have time to fully explain this even though god’s way is right his spirit and word are powerful it won’t always work because people refuse it you can do everything right as a counselor and show them the right way to live but they have to choose to take it ultimately has to be god who grants them their repentance every person is responsible but you can’t force them it breaks your heart when you meet with somebody you show them you show them their heart you show them the god’s way you show them how they ought to change and they just don’t do it but that’s not your failure ultimately that’s their choice you’re just called to be faithful it’s the same thing in evangelism right you have to rely on god’s grace you have to rely on god’s power he’s the one who has to do the work you just have to be that faithful workman who rightly handles the word of truth and applies it to another person’s life don’t rely on yourself get more skilled but don’t rely on yourself rely on god pray prepare speak and let the lord do what seems good to him looks like we don’t have time in class for questions today so let me just talk about the homework come up afterwards if you have questions about what you’ve heard here’s the homework for the first class a couple items here first i want each of you to read the bible and pray every day you say what does that have to do with anything this is what i always assign my counselees if you’re going to have other people transformed by the word of god then you need to be transformed first if you want to be a good counselor if you don’t want to grow as a christian you need to read the bible and pray i don’t care how much if you want to start with something small great but just do it do it consistently and when you read the bible don’t just turn to a random page read contextually but do it and the second thing i want you to do each family and couple here should receive this little booklet this is called christ in your problems by jay adams i’ll mention more about jay adams next time but i always almost always open any counseling i do with somebody by asking them to read this because it’s a great crash course on how to deal with your problems biblically it’s a meditation on first corinthians 10 13 and it’s very encouraging but also sobering therefore as extra credit i’m not requiring you to do this but you can read the context of this section of that verse that jay adams talks about in this booklet now for those of you who are online i will send you some i’ll send you an email with a breakdown of the same homework and where you can find it for those of you in person you have the booklet and you have the assignments okay it’s 10 o’clock i better close in prayer but thank you so much lord thank you for this time lord i’m excited for this journey i pray that you’d equip your people to be changed and to help other people change according to your grace and power in jesus name amen thank you everyone