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Calvary Community Church

Sunday School

Lesson 8: Forgiveness and the Past

Speaker
David Capoccia

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In this eighth lesson in the Biblical Counseling 101 Sunday school class, Pastor Dave Capoccia examines two more topics commonly misunderstood yet central to the Christian life and biblical counseling: forgiveness and the past.

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Note: This transcript and summary was autogenerated. It has not yet been proofread or edited by a human.

Summary

We are reminded that biblical forgiveness and a right view of our past are essential to Christian living and sanctification. Drawing from Ephesians 4:32, Luke 17:3-4, and other passages, this lesson teaches that God’s own forgiveness is both the model and the motivation for how we forgive others—and that God’s sovereign involvement in our past frees us from being defined or controlled by it.

Key Lessons:

  1. True repentance is more than grief or conviction—it involves a fundamentally new direction in life, as seen in the contrast between Peter (who repented) and Saul and Judas (who did not).
  2. Biblical forgiveness has two parts: an unconditional heart forgiveness (release) that we extend regardless of the other person’s response, and a conditional relational forgiveness (reconciliation) that requires repentance from the offending party.
  3. Our present desires and beliefs powerfully shape how we interpret our past—which is why we must view our past through the lens of Scripture and God’s sovereign, loving involvement.
  4. The past is influential but not determinative. God’s transforming grace is sufficient to overcome any person’s history, and we are called to move forward in holiness rather than dwell inordinately on past hurts or sins.

Application: We are called to forgive others the way God has forgiven us in Christ—releasing offenses from the heart, refusing to dwell on or re-raise them, and actively pursuing reconciliation when there is repentance. We are also called to reinterpret our pasts through the truth of God’s Word, trusting that he was sovereignly and lovingly at work in every circumstance.

Discussion Questions:

  1. In what areas of your life are you tempted toward ‘surface-level’ confession without genuine heart change? What idol or false treasure might be underneath that sin?
  2. Think of someone you have said you forgive—are you truly releasing that offense in your heart, or are you still nursing it? What would it look like to forgive them the way God forgives you?
  3. How have your present desires or beliefs shaped the way you interpret a painful experience from your past? How might viewing that experience through Scripture change your perspective?

Scripture Focus: Ephesians 4:32 anchors the lesson’s call to forgive others as God in Christ has forgiven us. Luke 17:3-4 teaches conditional relational forgiveness requiring repentance. Jeremiah 31:34 and Psalm 103:12 illustrate God’s promise not to hold sins against us. Romans 8:1 and Ephesians 1:7 affirm full pardon in Christ. Psalm 34:12-14 calls us to pursue good and peace regardless of our past.

Outline

Introduction

Good morning, good morning. Sorry that we’re starting a little bit after nine, but let’s get started. Welcome to the eighth lesson in the biblical counseling one-on-one course: “Why do I do what I do, and how can I change?”

Let’s pray and ask God’s blessing on this time. Father in heaven, thank you for your word and how it illuminates our lives. Please work among us now. Open our minds and change the way we think and live to be more in conformity to Christ. Help me to be able to lead all who are listening today in that. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Well, today is forgiveness and the past. You say, “Well, what happened to pride? I thought we were going to talk about pride.” Well, we’ll get to that in just a second. What my alternate plan for that is.

But let’s first talk about the homework that you were assigned to do last week.

Homework Review: Saul, Judas, and Peter

Along with Bible reading and prayer, I asked you to do a special Bible study—a deceptively short Bible study. Some of the passages took a little bit longer to read.

We won’t go over everything on it, but let’s focus on the B part of the questions. You were asked to examine some passages related to Saul, Judas, and Peter.

You will have noted that these persons—these real persons—committed various sins. But what was behind it? Can we discern an idol, a lust, something deeper, a desire, a belief that was motivating those sins?

Saul: Clinging to the Kingship

Let’s start with Saul. What seemed to be going behind Saul’s actions? What would you say?

Yeah, a fear of man. Yes, certainly that was discernible in a number of the passages. What else, Judy?

What pride? Yes, we can see certainly pride is connected there. Glenda, what were you going to say?

Jealousy? Yeah, jealousy of David in particular. What else? A lack of faith. Those are all true, and these are all interconnected. Let’s think about what he was valuing. What was so important to him that it often manifested in sinful actions?

Yeah, Kurt. Okay, so connected with what Glenda said about pride? Yeah, receiving glory, receiving honor, receiving support. What else was his treasure that he feared losing?

Yeah, his kingship. I hope you saw that his kingship. It just keeps on coming up as so important to him. And that connects with pride, and that connects with, I think, something else: the fear of man. He really fears losing the support of man.

You remember that in that first instance where he really compromises? Everybody’s leaving him. An army is about to invade. He’s afraid, and it could be the end of the kingdom, his kingship. And so he sins.

Or what were you going to say, Danny?

Yes, which is the great and sad irony. Probably even more explicit in showing Saul’s heart is the second time he sins in a great way before God: by not destroying the Amalekites. And Saul tries to defend his actions, but then he admits, “I, okay, I did it because I feared the people.” Because if he loses the support of the people, that means he loses the kingship.

But even after saying that, Samuel says, “God’s going to take away the kingdom from you.” Saul won’t let Samuel leave. He even grabs his cloak, and he says, “Honor me before the people.” He’s still valuing the same things.

So a lot of it comes down to certainly self-exaltation, but the kingship. That’s why he hates David so much. That’s why he can’t stand Jonathan helping David. He says, “Don’t you realize that you’re going to lose the kingship if you help David? We need this for our line.”

But as Danny pointed out, the sad irony is it’s by clinging to the kingship that he was sure to lose it. And God said, “I’m actually going to take that away from you.”

“It’s by clinging to the kingship that he was sure to lose it.”

So did Saul ever repent from the heart? What do you think, Judy?

We don’t see any indication of that. I mean, certainly there are some pauses, some moments of conviction where he says, “David, I shouldn’t be doing this. You’re the righteous one. I’m not.” But he keeps coming back to it. It’s a really deep-seated love in his heart for those things, even beyond, above the will of God.

And we don’t see him come back to God. We don’t see him going a new direction in a meaningful way. So we ultimately can’t see Saul’s heart. The scriptures are not exhaustive in telling us about his life, but we don’t see repentance. We don’t see repentance in his life.

Judas: The Love of Money

Now let’s talk about Judas. Judas commits some sins. He not only betrays Jesus—that’s an obvious one—but he also grumbles contemptuously about Mary and her gift to the Lord, steals from the disciples, and lives as a hypocrite. He uses an act of love to betray Jesus and commit suicide.

But what’s behind that? What’s behind many of those sins as a lust or an idol? What does he love? Money. For Judas, it’s pretty straightforward: a love of money and what money can buy.

He’s a little bit like Demas that Paul describes later. He loves this present world more than the Lord. He loves the wealth and things of the world.

It’s telling that right after Jesus commends Mary for giving a gift, even pouring out perfume on his feet, Judas goes to the priest and says, “How much will you give me if I betray him to you?” It’s like, “This guy is not going to give me the money that I’m looking for. He doesn’t value money the way that I do.”

He’s like the chief priests too. Why did they kill Jesus? Why do they hate him so much? Part of the reason is the Bible says they were lovers of money.

Did Judas ever repent of this heart idol and the sins that come from it? We do see that he has grief. It does have conviction. It’s very interesting that he does throw back the money. But is it enough to just return money? He never goes in a new direction. He never returns to the Lord. Instead, he goes and kills himself.

“It’s not enough to just return money. He never goes in a new direction. He never returns to the Lord.”

We don’t see repentance from Judas either, despite the grief. And Saul did the same thing, right? He had grief, moments of conviction, but we don’t see a new direction in his life.

Peter: Fear of Man and True Repentance

Now Peter. Peter’s a little different from the other ones. He does commit some sins. He rebukes Jesus about the cross. He certainly denied Jesus three times. Seemed to show some overconfidence, neglecting prayer. He attacked someone with a sword. He also lied and swore falsely, and he spoke irreverent curses upon himself.

What was behind those things?

Yeah, Jay, say that again. Fear and unbelief? Yes, certainly there’s a fear of man here as well, a certain amount of unbelief. What else?

Yeah, Mark? I think that’s a good insight, Mark. If there is any theme between some of Peter’s sins, it seems to be like, “I have a plan about what’s supposed to happen here, and God, you need to get in line with that.” That certainly was true with his rebuke of Jesus.

And we might think like, “Oh, these aren’t really sins. These aren’t really that big of a deal.” Except for the way that Jesus responds to them. Jesus doesn’t just say, “Hey, thanks for caring about me, but I really do have to go to the cross.” He says, “Get behind me, Satan. You don’t have God’s interest in mind, but man’s.”

And certainly that’s something we can do too, right? We think we’re doing something really pious, but it’s really not God’s interest. It’s man’s.

He does show fear of man, a love for his physical life over loyalty and obedience to God. Though I think maybe you notice the difference between Peter and Judas. These things don’t seem as deep-seated in him as maybe them. It’s not necessarily motivating all of his actions, though it does appear from time to time.

Does Peter repent? He does. And how do we know that? We can see a new direction in his life, can’t we? Not only does he have a conversation with Jesus that involves his restoration, but the fear of man is something he puts aside. And he becomes a faithful witness of the Lord, even a martyr for the Lord.

He does lay down his own ideas of what ministry and life is supposed to be, and he submits to God’s way, even if it involves his suffering.

Now Peter wasn’t perfect in this. We do have one clear instance later on where he’s rebuked by Paul. And what was he rebuked about? Fear of man. He wouldn’t eat with certain Gentile disciples because he thought some Jewish disciples were going to look down on that.

So it’s not as if he never dealt with the fear of man again. But there was a fundamentally new direction in Peter. And so we can see that he was living out, or he was showing fruits of repentance.

So it wasn’t just sorrow. It wasn’t just conviction. It was a changed life. And that’s what repentance is all about.

“It wasn’t just sorrow. It wasn’t just conviction. It was a changed life. That’s what repentance is all about.”

What True Repentance Looks Like

Just to re-emphasize something about repentance: somebody asked me a question last week after the lesson about, “Well, if I say that if there’s no lasting change there’s no repentance, well, what about any time any one of us returns to a sin? If we ever sin the same way again in our lives, does that mean we never repented?”

Well, no, not necessarily. Again, the Bible says that even though a Christian cannot continue in sin—he cannot live in sin—a Christian is expected to continue to sin. We see this even in the letter First John, right? “If you sin, you don’t know God. But if you say you don’t sin, you’re calling God a liar.” And if we do sin, we can confess our sins, and he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Or even what does Jesus teach us to pray? “Father, forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.” He says, “You’re gonna have to keep on praying this. You’re gonna keep coming back to some of the same sins in your life, with decreasing frequency we would hope, but with some frequency nonetheless.”

So what’s the difference between that and what I was talking about? And even the difference between Peter here and Saul and Judas?

I think that there is often a difference between the depth of the sins that we fall into. A lot of times when we sin, it’s resolved somewhat quickly. We feel almost an immediate conviction, and we turn in our hearts from that sin.

We have sorrow. We understand what we did, and we want to make things right with other people, and we go in a new direction. It’s not a defining habit. It’s not something that is really dominating our lives.

But other sins go deeper. It’s like we have really fallen in love with a particular idol, a particular treasure, even a little bit like Saul and Judas do. And even if we realize it’s sin and we confess it to God, it’s almost like the confession is only surface level.

It’s almost an implied understanding—even in our confession, there’s almost this implied understanding that we’re gonna go back to that sin because we still love it. We become enslaved to a particular idol, and it begins to define us, even to destroy our lives.

Some examples: we become known for outbursts of anger. “Oh man, he’s got a temper. Watch out for him.” Or we could be categorized as someone who’s addicted to immorality, returning to it regularly. Or we spiral downward in anxiety and depression. This is a result of something deeper.

Often sin is like a temporary breach which we quickly close up and we return to the Lord. Some sins are like a whole invasion. Satan has really put a beachhead down in our hearts, and the idols and the sins stay for a long time.

And so there needs to be a deeper repentance. And that’s a lot of what I’ve been talking about. When these habits, when these defining sins, these enslaving, dominating sins show up in our lives, it’s not a matter of, “Oh yeah, confess and hopefully I’ll do better.” You need to really be changed from the depths of your heart.

You need a spiritual deep clean and exposure and casting away that heart idol, as well as the thoughts and beliefs that keep supporting it. You need to really be changed in your thinking and put on new thinking. And then the same in your behavior.

And it should show up in some new good fruit in your lives, not necessarily perfection. Even for some, even for various sins, you may still struggle. But there should be a new direction. It should be a change. There should be making progress, even with faults and missteps.

There should be a tangible new drive in forsaking sin and walking with Christ, whatever it takes.

“There should be a tangible new drive—forsaking sin and walking with Christ, whatever it takes.”

What are you going to say, Danny?

Repentance and Faith: Putting Off and Putting On

That’s right. Yeah, Danny is just pointing out again the important connection between repentance and faith. And really, you could even connect that to the ideas of putting off and putting on. Repentance emphasizes the idea of putting off: I’m putting off these idols, these false gods, these empty things, empty treasures, these lies and unbelief.

But I have to put on something else. There needs to be a replacement. I can’t do it on my own. These idols can’t give me what I’m looking for. But the Lord is life. I can believe what he says, and he gives me the power. He gives me the strength. He gives me the grace to follow after him, to persevere, to endure through suffering.

And if you’re not putting on that positive side, if you’re not motivated by faith, then your repentance is not complete, and it’s not going to last.

“If you’re not motivated by faith, then your repentance is not complete, and it’s not going to last.”

Yeah, April certainly connects to some measure. So Abel’s asking, “What is this connected to Hebrews 12 and laying aside every weight and encumbrance and running with perseverance the race marked out for us?” For sure. Certainly, where sins have found a place in our hearts and in our lives, they need to be cast off.

But also things that are simply just not helpful for us. “Hey, man, this thing just keeps bringing me back into sin. Maybe not sinful in itself, but for me, this is a stumbling block.” It’s also laying aside those things.

If we’re really serious about the Lord, if we’re really serious about holiness, then like I said, we should be willing to do whatever it takes. The reward is important enough, beautiful enough. God is worthy enough. And this thing, I don’t really need it. What I really need is the Lord.

Oftentimes in our hearts, we want to ask, “What is the bare minimum that God requires of me? How close can I get to sin without sinning?” But you’ve heard many preachers probably say that’s the wrong question to ask. The question is, “How far can I stay away from sin so that I don’t lose out on God? What’s the most I can do so that I can continue to walk in joyful fellowship with God?”

When our hearts are asking that question, then we’re on the right path.

I’m taking a lot of time here to go over the homework in this question, but I think it’s important. But I do want to get to our other thing for today: your new homework for this class.

Homework Assignment: The TEA Journal

Something a little different. Please continue to read the Bible and pray every day. But rather than doing a Bible study or reading assignment, I want you to do what I’m calling a TEA journal. I want you to write a journal. This is not to share with me or with the class. This is for you and the Lord.

Start writing a journal about a particular spiritual struggle. After any time of failure with this struggle, I want you to write down answers to four questions. This is where the T comes from. You’re answering four questions that involve a T word.

First, what was the trial that precipitated the sin? Was the situation I got into where I felt tempted, tried in such a way that I wanted to sin or I considered sin?

Then what did you actually do? How did you respond to that trial? What actions did you take?

And then more importantly, what thoughts did you think in that moment? What were you thinking before and after you took those actions in response to the trial? It’s our thoughts that often reveal the most important things that are going on in our hearts. What was I really valuing? What was I loving? What was I even loving more than God?

And then finally, how would God have me, by his word and spirit, be transformed in my thoughts and actions? I need to put off and put on in the inner man and the outer man, starting with the inner man. How do I need to combat and counter those thoughts that I was thinking in that moment with the truth of God? How can I train myself in that? And then how can I also change the way I respond in the outer man?

So I want you to go through those questions and write that for yourself. This is a common tool in biblical counseling. It’s not inspired. It’s just a way to get us thinking more critically about sanctification and getting practical. What was I thinking? How do I need to change?

As you do these journal entries over time, you can often discern patterns. “Oh, here it is again. My wife disrespected me, and I got angry. Oh, same thing here, same thing here. Now I’m seeing more clearly where the problem is.” Or something else. You often can see patterns in your behavior that can show, “Okay, this is the issue in the heart that I really need to deal with.”

“You can often see patterns in your behavior that show the issue in the heart you really need to deal with.”

So I’m actually going to ask you to do this for a few weeks. We’re starting it this week, and I want you to continue.

Now, how much do you need to write? Again, don’t ask what’s the bare minimum. Ask what’s really going to help you. This is another instance of you get in, you get out. What you put into these entries, you’ll benefit spiritually. You do the bare minimum, don’t really care about it, and this is just a checkbox. That’s not really going to be profitable for you.

So that’s your assignment. That’s your main assignment. Extra credit: this is where we come back to the issue of pride. I’m not going to take time to go over that today, but I am going to give you the notes. So if you would like to read about that, I will include it in the email follow-up to this class.

Your questions about the homework you can ask me later. Let’s look at today’s agenda: talking about forgiveness and the past.

Forgiveness and Society

Start with forgiveness. As I’m preparing to teach today’s lesson, I tried to brainstorm some famous stories that highlight forgiveness. But the more I thought about it, I couldn’t think of any. I couldn’t think of any stories that really highlight or promote forgiveness. Can you? I mean, certainly in the Bible. But other than the Bible?

Okay, Les Misérables. There’s certainly a lot of questions about justice and mercy, maybe forgiveness. Okay, maybe that’s one. Any other stories?

Yes, Elizabeth Elliott. Real life stories, sometimes biographies or things related to war or mission work, you’ll see forgiveness highlighted there. But in fictional stories, I feel like we don’t see it as much.

On the flip side, can you think of any stories that feature lack of forgiveness? Like every story, right? This is like one of the main plot-driving devices: lack of forgiveness, bitterness, revenge. This is true of ancient stories and modern ones. You look at any action movie today. The protagonist or the antagonist or both is usually driven by revenge or some kind of justice.

I think that’s a little telling about our society. Forgiveness is not a very highlighted feature in our media. I think that shows something about how we think and value. We live in a world that largely does not practice or even understand true forgiveness.

“We live in a world that largely does not practice or even understand true forgiveness.”

Many today will consider lack of forgiveness over wrongs suffered not only understandable but even noble. “I will never forgive him for what he did.” This is spoken without shame, almost as if it’s a sign of strength.

Since our society doesn’t understand or practice forgiveness, it’s no surprise that wrong ideas about forgiveness even get into our lives and into the church.

Consider the following three statements. Here’s a little quiz. Tell me which of these expresses biblical forgiveness. You don’t have to answer this out loud. Just answer in your mind.

Statement A: “Until he apologizes, I am not going to show him any kindness or forgiveness.”

Statement B: “It doesn’t matter what she did, whether she changes or whether she asks for forgiveness or not. I already told her that I’ve forgiven her, and I just want to move on in our relationship.”

Statement C: “I forgive him because it’s my duty, but I don’t want to see his face anymore.”

Which of these expresses biblical forgiveness? The answer is D: none of the above. Sorry, a little trick question there.

Each of these statements does contain an element of biblical forgiveness, but they all ultimately fall short. If you found that surprising, well, listen up. We need to dig down more deeply into what biblical forgiveness is.

What Is Biblical Forgiveness?

If we’re going to understand forgiveness, we must start by looking at the one who defines and demonstrates perfectly what forgiveness is. And that is God. God himself. The model and motivation for our forgiveness is God’s forgiveness.

Ephesians 4:32 says this—I think most distinctly—”Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.”

There’s a whole theology of forgiveness right there in that verse. We are to forgive others because God has forgiven us, and we are to forgive others in the way that God has forgiven us.

What is forgiveness according to God? Let me give you a definition: forgiveness is a promise of full pardon for sin.

“Forgiveness is a promise of full pardon for sin.”

Forgiveness is a promise of full pardon for sin. We can begin to see this even from the main Old Testament and New Testament words for forgive.

In the Old Testament, we have first NASA, like in Exodus 34:7, which means to lift up, to lift off, or to take away. Always remember that in seminary because NASA sounds like NASA, right? And NASA is concerned about lifting things up into space. This word is applied figuratively to talk about forgiveness. It means to lift off sin, take away guilt, lift away punishment.

We also have another Hebrew word, Salah, like in Jeremiah 31:34. It likely comes from a root having to do with sprinkling. The idea is that a person is cleansed of guilt and released of obligation and punishment.

In the New Testament, we have first Aphaireo, like in Matthew 6:12, which literally means to let go, send away, or give up. Figuratively, it means to remit, to forgive, or to pardon.

And then we also have Charizomai, like in Ephesians 4:32, the passage we just read. You may notice the word Charis right in the beginning of that Greek word. Charis is the Greek word for grace. Charizomai means to give graciously or to bestow freely as a favor. Many times this grace is shown in the cancelling of debt and the forgiveness of sin.

These biblical terms show what forgiveness is: it is a promise of full pardon for sin.

Yet God is a holy God. He’s just. How can he forgive wicked sinners without violating his justice? What’s the answer? Jesus Christ. It’s Jesus Christ.

Sometimes we think about God’s forgiveness being unconditional. Technically, that’s not true. Someone has to pay for it. If it’s not us, then it will be the Lord Christ. It was the Lord Christ. And this was pictured in the Old Testament sacrifices.

Why was God able to forgive Israel? He says, “Well, when you sacrifice, I will forgive your sins.” That was a picture ultimately pointing to Christ. Hebrews 9:22 says, “Without the shedding of blood, there is no forgiveness for sin.”

We can have forgiveness with God because of Jesus. How do we become united to Jesus? The gospel: repentance and faith.

We could say that not only is it Jesus Christ, but we receive forgiveness from God when we repent and believe.

How God Forgives: Three Sub-Points

To explore this just a little bit further: in Christ, God promises full pardon for sin. Which means—let me give you three sub-points here.

Number one: God removes all guilt and the need for punishment from us.

Ephesians 1:7 says, “In him—that is, in Jesus Christ—we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses.” We have it. It’s already ours through Christ, in his blood, and we’d be united to Christ by repentance and faith.

Romans 8:1 says, “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” We are forgiven. There is no punishment left for us, which is something the Catholic Church has forgotten.

That’s number one: God removes all guilt and need for punishment from us.

Number two: God promises not to hold our sins against us in any way.

I love the way the Bible describes this, like in Jeremiah 31:34. God speaks about the new covenant that’s coming to Israel one day, and he says, “They will not teach again, each man is neighbor and each man is brother, saying, ‘Know Yahweh,’ for they will all know me from the least of them to the greatest of them,” declares Yahweh. “For I will forgive their iniquity and their sin. I will remember no more. I will remember their sin no more.”

Or as Psalm 103:12 says, “As far as the east is from the west, so far has he—that is, God—removed our transgression from us.” It’s an infinite distance. It will never meet us again.

Can God actually forget sin? He’s an omniscient God, so no. But he chooses not to remember it. He chooses not to hold it against us. That’s what forgiveness is.

Number three: God invites us into a restored and growing relationship with him.

This is important, right? This is not, “Okay, I forgive you, but you got to stay over there.” We see the opposite, especially in the parable of the prodigal son, right?

This prodigal—I won’t take the time to read through it—but he’s sinned against his father in a huge way. But when he comes back, he can hardly get the words of confession and repentance out of his mouth before his father is just lavishing him with love and gifts. He runs to him. He puts a robe on him, puts a ring on him, and he says, “Let’s have a feast.” He’s been invited back into a restored relationship, and one that is going to grow and be full of joy.

And that’s what God does with us when he forgives us. This happens both at the beginning of our relationship with God, a restored relationship, and in an ongoing way in our Christian lives.

When we first come to faith and repentance in Christ, we experience what could be called judicial forgiveness from God. God declares us righteous forever. He delivers us from eternal condemnation. He forever places us in his family.

But after salvation, there is still the need for what could be called relational or parental forgiveness. It’s not that we need to be saved again, that we need judicial forgiveness again. No, that’s happened once and for all. But sin brings a breach of fellowship with us and God.

By confession and repentance and forgiveness, there is the restoration of that fellowship. We come back into happy communion with God, and we are free from his fatherly and corrective discipline.

And this is why we are told to pray for forgiveness daily with God. We don’t need to be saved again. It’s just that restoration of fellowship with God.

“By confession, repentance, and forgiveness, there is restoration of fellowship. We come back into happy communion with God.”

Forgiving Others as God Forgives Us

Now, all this is wonderful salvation reality. It’s the gospel that we rejoice in. But Ephesians 4:32 says forgive others the way you’ve been forgiven. Forgive others because of the way you’ve been forgiven.

All of this is instructive for how we are to forgive others around us.

And forgiveness: just as God removes all guilt and need for punishment, so we are to do so with others who sin against us. “I release you from your guilt. There’s no need for punishment for you anymore.”

And just as God chose not to remember our sins or hold them against us, he chooses so we are to do so for those who sin against us. “I’m not going to keep bringing this back to mind.”

Actually, we are really promising someone when we say, “I forgive you.” “I will not remind you of this sin anymore, unless it would be for your good, for edification, unless it’s absolutely necessary. I’m not going to bring this back up. I will not mention it to anyone else, unless it would be absolutely necessary for your good. And I will not allow my mind to dwell on it.”

This is often where our forgiveness falls short, right? We say, “I forgive you,” but then we just keep nursing it. And then when they do something else that we don’t like, we say, “I remember this. You did this other thing to me. Oh, I thought you forgave it.”

Forgiveness really needs to be that pardoning. It says, “I’m not going to hold this against you anymore. It’s done. It’s been removed from you.”

“When we forgive, we promise: ‘I will not remind you of this sin. I will not bring it back up.’”

And just as God invites us into a restored and growing relationship upon forgiveness, so we are to do so with others who sin against us. This is not, “I don’t want to see you anymore, but I forgive you.” That’s not forgiveness. It says, “Hey, there was a hurt in our relationship, a breach of trust. But I want to start rebuilding it with you.” That’s forgiveness. That’s forgiveness like God’s forgiveness.

Now, here’s a question: Does God forgive everyone’s sins? Clearly not. He forgives all those who come to him for mercy, who come by faith and repentance in Christ. But if we take seriously God’s wrath against sin and his promise of judgment on sinners, we know he does not forgive everyone. Only those who have repented in Christ.

And there is a way that we imitate God in this. We forgive only those who are repentant.

Luke 17:3-4 is very direct instruction for how we deal with those who sin against us. It says this: “Be on your guard. If your brother sins, rebuke him. And if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times a day and returns to you seven times saying, ‘I repent,’ forgive him.”

Notice the way those commands are constructed. They’re conditional. “If he repents”—the assertion is there’s no forgiveness without repentance.

But wait, you say. Mark 11:25 says, “Whenever you stand praying, forgive if you have anything against anyone, so that your father who is in heaven will also forgive you your transgressions.”

Wait a second. No repentance seems involved there. You’re not even with that person. You’re called to forgive them whether they repent or not. Isn’t that unconditional forgiveness? And didn’t Jesus pray from the cross, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do”? They didn’t repent at that moment. Why was he calling for their forgiveness?

Two Parts of Biblical Forgiveness

Do we forgive conditionally or unconditionally? The biblical answer is yes. Because there are two parts of biblical forgiveness.

First, there is the unconditional heart forgiveness, or what could be called release.

When you truly forgive someone, there is first a settled choice in the heart to love a person despite what he has done and to give whatever offense he has committed against you over to God, trusting in God’s goodness and sovereignty. There is a release in your heart about that person and his sin, which means you are open to and even eager for reconciliation with that person.

This is the same kind of heart that God demonstrates towards sinners. He doesn’t forgive everyone, but he is eager to forgive everyone. We see this in the story of the prodigal son. But also listen to Isaiah 65:2-3.

God is speaking about Israel. He says, “I have spread out my hands all day long to a rebellious people, walking the way which is not good, following their own thoughts of people who continually provoke me to my face.” This is not a repentant people. But how does he regard them? With an eagerness to be restored to them. He’s holding out his hands. “Come, please. I don’t want to hold this against you. My heart longs for you to come back.”

God has a forgiving heart. He’s eager to extend forgiveness to sinners in relationship. And so should we be also. We are commanded to do so.

Look at Ephesians 4:32. Notice it says, “Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other.” That tender-heartedness needs to be there if it’s biblical forgiveness. A release in the heart that says, “I can give this over to God, and I can still love that person.”

“That tender-heartedness needs to be there if it’s biblical forgiveness—a release in the heart that says, ‘I can still love that person.’”

Matthew 18:35 also says, “My heavenly father will also do the same to you—that is, he will not forgive you. He will leave you in judgment—if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart.” This is not merely something you can just say outwardly, “I forgive you.” There is an outward transaction, but it needs to be from the heart. This is something that we are to practice regardless of whether the other person is repentant, changed, or asked for forgiveness. You need to forgive them in your heart.

Conditional Relational Forgiveness and Reconciliation

But there is another part. There is a conditional relational forgiveness, or we could call it reconciliation.

Just as sin breaks fellowship with God, so sin breaks fellowship between people. This fellowship is only restored when the sinning one confesses his sin and repents.

Your body looked at verses related to this. Luke 17:3-4: “If your brother sins and repents, forgive him.” This is what we’re looking for. We’re looking for that transactional forgiveness, that relational forgiveness, that says, “I’ve already forgiven you in my heart, but I need you to repent so that we can be reconciled in relationship. Please come back. Won’t you turn from your way? Won’t you make things right?”

This doesn’t mean that we need to confront every tiny sin and careless word that someone does against us. But it does mean that for more substantive and repeated hurts, we need to see repentance before there can be a transactional forgiveness or relational reconciliation.

When we don’t do this, when we just try to move on and sweep it under the rug, the result is usually not good. There’s a lingering bitterness. There’s a lack of intimacy that just cannot be restored because that breach was never healed.

Now, when I say reconciliation, I don’t necessarily mean that the relationship immediately goes back to what it was before the sin. That’s not always realistic, nor is it always wise. But I already said something a little bit along these lines: true forgiveness commits to rebuilding a relationship.

This is not easy, especially for repeated and heinous sins against us. But compare those sins to what we’ve sinned against God. Again, the parable of Matthew 18 and the unforgiving slave. His debt was monumental compared to the small debt of his fellow slave. And that is the truth for us as well.

Even the worst sins some people have done to us—and they are pretty bad—they pale in comparison to what we’ve done to God. And God forgives us. So we can forgive them.

It is an act of faith. It is a fruit of our gratitude for the gospel and the salvation in Christ that we forgive others and look to rebuild a relationship with them. God invited us into a restored and growing relationship, so we do that to others.

Admitting to them, “Look, your sin has hurt me. My trust has been broken. But because you have repented, I am willing to rebuild a relationship with you again. I want to do that.”

“Because you have repented, I am willing to rebuild a relationship with you again. I want to do that.”

When we have true repentance and true forgiveness, and as that repentant one demonstrates new fruit in his life—the fruit of repentance—what happens to the relationship? It does grow. Trust is restored. And often, as I said last time, it’s even stronger than it was before the sin.

What makes marriages so rich? It’s not that spouses don’t sin against each other. It’s that when they sin, they repent and forgive each other. And that makes for a beautiful relationship.

“What makes marriages so rich is that when spouses sin, they repent and forgive each other.”

Now, a few quick questions before we move on to the next topic. I wish we could just spend our whole time on forgiveness, but I want to talk about the past as well.

I don’t have these on the slide. I’ll just mention these out loud.

Common Questions About Forgiveness

Do Christians ever need to forgive God? This is a serious question. Someone asked me this before. The answer is no, no, no, no, no. That is actually a blasphemous, naive, and proud thing to do. You’re saying God has made a mistake. He sinned against you. No.

Some Christian psychologists do advocate this as part of making a person feel better. But it is not appropriate. God is not in need of your forgiveness.

Do Christians ever need to forgive themselves? The answer is no. This is not commanded or exemplified in the Bible. Actually, it also comes from pride or naiveté, even self-righteousness.

I like what Dr. Street says about this. Dr. Street, my counseling teacher in seminary, says this: “This sentiment of forgiving ourselves, it comes from an unbiblical presupposition that we can’t believe that we have done that particular wrong. But if we really had a biblical view of ourselves, we wouldn’t be saying that. Honestly, it’s hard to believe that we don’t do terrible sins more often.”

We exalt a standard of forgiveness for ourselves that goes beyond God’s. When we can’t forgive ourselves, this is pushed in modern psychology because of the therapeutic value. It makes people feel self-justified. “I just can’t forgive myself for what I did.” That’s actually a self-exalting sentiment, not a humbling one.

We don’t need to forgive ourselves. We need God’s forgiveness.

“We don’t need to forgive ourselves. We need God’s forgiveness.”

And then one other question: Do Christians ever need to forgive those who are now dead? You need to forgive those who are no longer on the earth. Again, this is not commanded in the Bible. This is really more of a therapeutic ritual.

Biblically speaking, you do need to have a heart that is settled in God, no matter what people who are now dead have done to you. But your forgiveness or lack of forgiveness to that person does not affect them. They’re not in the world anymore. You need to get right with God in your heart. You’re not called to somehow extend forgiveness to the dead.

Speaking of the dead, let’s briefly talk about the past.

There’s great irony in American society when it comes to the past. On the one hand, as Ecclesiastes says, no one seems to remember the past. They get caught up in new ideas, excited about new ideas and people that are not really new. They’re going to fail you. They’re going to not bring you to some place of deliverance like things in the past also failed.

People make the same foolish mistakes as people did in the past. America as a whole does not remember the past.

But on the other hand, American culture is obsessed with the past, particularly past injuries, things that we’ve suffered, harm in the past. Our society seems obsessed with that. Much of the current controversy over race and social justice has to do with what happened in the past and whether and how those past injustices should be rectified.

Psychologists have long worked to unpack for their patients the repressed memories and traumas of the past. “Gotta pump out this pool of pain if you’re ever going to be healed and whole again.”

And as we previously discussed, there’s also the common assumption that your past is responsible for who you are and what you do today. It’s your genetics. It’s your upbringing. It’s your experiences.

Now, this is true of society at large. But what about us individually? How do we regard our pasts?

Do you define yourself by your past, either by sins or hardships that you suffered, or even sins that you committed? “I’m an addict. I’m an abuse survivor. I’m a victim of systemic oppression.” Do you think along these lines about yourself?

Do you resent God and others for what happened in the past? Or do you have peace about your past?

These are important questions because how we think about the past greatly impacts our present. We need to make sure we’re thinking biblically.

It’s fair to say that the world overemphasizes the importance of the past. But in response, we have to be careful that we don’t underemphasize the importance of the past. The past is not everything. You are not simply the result of your experiences and hurts. But the past is not nothing. It’s not something you can just ignore or pretend doesn’t matter.

You and Your Past: Four Clarifying Facts

With the time we have left, I want to briefly consider four clarifying facts about you and your past.

Four clarifying facts about you and your past.

Fact 1: You Cannot Avoid Your Past

Number one: You cannot avoid your past. You can’t avoid it. The past has impacted everybody in the world, certainly on a global scale. When we talk about the fall, we talk about the vapor-like nature of this life, we talk about sin. This is all based on it. It comes from what happened in the past. It affects us all. Can’t ignore that.

But also on a personal scale, our individual circumstances, histories, and experience affect us today. Just like the past of people in the Bible affected them.

Why was Moses too fearful to return to Egypt despite God’s commission and appearance to him in the burning bush? Partly because of what happened in the past. Moses’ upbringing and experience in Egypt, especially his failed attempt to rescue the people of Israel.

Why was David not afraid to face Goliath despite being so young? Partly because of his past experience. He says, “God help me to overcome lions and bears. This Philistine is no different.”

Or why was Jesus often dismissed and mistreated as someone of no importance? Because of his past. Because of where he came from, because of his mysterious parentage, because of his humble socio-economic circumstances.

You cannot pretend that the past does not affect us and our world. Everyone carries his past with him to some degree. But the problem is not really the past. It’s what we do with it. It’s how we view it.

“The problem is not really the past. It’s what we do with it. It’s how we view it.”

Which leads us to a second fact here.

Fact 2: You Naturally Interpret Your Past for Significance

Number two: You naturally interpret your past for significance.

You see, we people are all interpreters. When we examine the world, we’re not just looking at facts, collecting facts. We’re trying to piece them together into some kind of interpretation. We’re not just interested in the what, but also the why and how. We want to find significance and meaning. And this is true even when we consider our pasts.

We desire to make sense of it. We want to put together a story that highlights some greater meaning or significance. We ask ourselves questions like, “What does it mean that I was born white or black? What is the significance of my suffering abuse as a child? Why did I experience so much success in school?”

We ask these questions. But we don’t just ask them. We answer them, either by ourselves or with help from others. We do give shape. We always give some sort of shape and meaning to our histories. And this is where the problem arises because sometimes the interpretation we give to our past is not accurate. It’s not proper. It’s not biblical.

Consider the people of Israel. I won’t read the passage, but Numbers 11. This is one of the times where we see Israel complaining about their present circumstances by comparing it to their experience in Egypt. And they said, “Oh man, do you remember in Egypt we had the fish and the leeks and the cucumbers? It was great back then. But now all we have is this wretched manna.”

Is that a true assessment of the past? They may have indeed eaten some of those things in Egypt. But they’ve interpreted their past in a particular way based on what? Based on the beliefs and desires of their heart. They were exalting themselves in pride by saying, “God has not provided enough for us in the wilderness. And now when we look at our pasts, we’re going to frame ourselves as a noble people who have been tragically taken away from a place of goodness to be stuck with God and his mighty provision in the wilderness.”

They interpreted their past in a certain way. They fit the facts together in a way that fit what they wanted to believe about themselves. This isn’t the only time that Israel did this. And we can do the same.

This is an illustration of a general principle about our past. Our present desires, beliefs, and goals powerfully shape our interpretation of our pasts.

I once met someone who said he couldn’t believe in God because of how much suffering he witnessed in the world. Does suffering itself prove that there is no God? Or that if there is a God, he’s cruel? No. Suffering is just data. It needs an interpretation.

If you have an exalted view of man—”Oh, he doesn’t deserve this”—and a low view of God, then when you see suffering, you’ll probably be inclined to interpret that experience as proving that a loving God does not exist. That’s just an interpretation.

There’s a maxim I heard in seminary that I find myself quoting a lot. And that’s this: “No experience is self-authenticating or self-interpreting.”

All experiences are just data. They need interpretation. And how we’re going to interpret it depends on whatever assumptions, beliefs, or standards we already hold to.

“No experience is self-authenticating or self-interpreting. All experiences are just data. They need interpretation.”

We all do this naturally. If we’re going to do this properly, we need to do this according to the Bible because there’s one great fact that we cannot forget. We must include in our interpretation of the past. And that’s number three.

Fact 3: God Was Sovereignly Involved in Your Past

Number three: God was sovereignly and intimately involved in your past. Your past is not simply your story. It’s God’s story. He’s not only writing it. He’s in it.

I won’t go through the supporting verses for this, but God caused your past to proceed exactly the way that it did. “Our God is in the heavens. He does whatever he pleases.” Isaiah says, “Prosperity and calamity, they both come from God. He does it all.”

God made your past the way it was, and he was completely aware of all the circumstances of it and your feelings about it. He wasn’t simply watching from far away and orchestrating. He was actually right there in the midst of it.

David says in the Psalms, “Where can I go from the Lord’s spirit?” God’s spirit was right there in the past with you. He wasn’t just there, but he was working a good and glorious plan for himself and for all his people.

It’s like Jacob’s ladder. Jacob faces this really difficult time in his life. He doesn’t know what the future holds. God appears to him and says, “Let me pull back the curtain for you and let you look at all these angels going up and down accomplishing my purposes. I’m at work. Don’t be afraid.”

We fundamentally misunderstand our past when we forget or reject the fact that God has been sovereignly and intimately involved the whole time. God is not simply writing your story. He’s writing his story, and your story is a small part of that.

It’s a good story. It’s a mysterious one. But it’s working out for the whole cosmos. You and your life experience are part of something much grander that will glorify God.

If you realize this and believe this, you are already a long way toward dealing rightly with your past. But it’s just the beginning. You have to understand fundamentally that God was there and he was orchestrating it all exactly the way that he wanted.

“God is not simply writing your story. He’s writing his story. Your story is a small part of something much grander.”

But it’s more than that. You need to actually number four.

Fact 4: View Your Past According to God’s Truth

Number four: View your past according to God and his truth. You need to assess all the specifics according to what God says in his word about what he does in the world. View everything in your life, including your past, according to the truth of the Bible.

You want to ask the right questions about your past. Not, “Why didn’t God do this for me?” or “Where was God here?” But rather, “What was God doing? He was doing something. I know. What was it? Or how was he using the experiences of my past to grow me, to teach me, to do me good, and to make me more like Christ?”

Because that’s what God reveals he is doing in our lives. And that’s what he’s done in our past. This is all according to his transcendent love, his power, his wisdom, which we won’t fully understand. But we know it’s true.

If you will believe this by faith—and you can and must as a Christian—then it totally changes your perspective and interpretation of the past. You can appreciate what God was doing. And you can learn the proper lessons from your past.

Our pasts teach us many valuable truths. They teach us about the deceitfulness and the dangers of sin. They teach us about God’s goodness, his grace, his sufficiency. They teach us about this world—that it is sinful and fallen and that it cries out for redemption in Christ’s return. It’s all evident in each of our lives and our pasts.

Furthermore, with God’s scripture, with his promises and his truth, you are set free from enslavement to the past. You realize that God has never locked you into sin and spiritual defeat. Rather, he has given you everything to walk in life and godliness and joy. See 1 Corinthians 10:13 and 2 Peter 1:3-4.

You are not controlled by your past. You can forgive those who have hurt you. You can put off sinful habits that you became trained in, and you can become trained in righteousness. You may have had a number of negative influences in your life, but they don’t control you. The Lord is superior. He’s supreme. He is sufficient to deal with those influences.

“You are not controlled by your past. You can forgive. You can put off sinful habits and become trained in righteousness.”

You are not a victim. You’re not a victim of your past or what people did to you in the past. The only true victim who has no hope for the future is the one who believes himself to be it. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you think you’re a victim due to the past hurts and influences of others, you’re a victim waiting to happen.

The past need not control us. Your responsibility and mind before God—it’s not to dwell inordinately on our past, but to deal with them rightly according to God’s truth and then move forward in holiness.

Psalm 34:12-14 gives us a good perspective, no matter what kind of past we’ve experienced.

Psalm 34:12-14: “Who is the man who desires life and loves length of days that he may see good? Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit. Depart from evil and do good. Seek peace and pursue it.”

It’s amazing how different people can view and respond to their pasts, even people who have come from almost the same terrible circumstances. One person can be full of joy and walking in holiness after God, while another person is so bitter, trapped in sinful thinking and sinful actions.

The Past Is Influential but Not Determinative

It’s not the past that determines how you’re going to live. This is the last point. Your past is influential, but it is not determinative.

When you’re counseling someone, it can be useful to find out more about their past. You can say, “Okay, that’s where this pattern of thinking comes from. That’s where the sin habit really grew in a person’s life.” But it’s never determinative.

The Lord’s transforming grace overcomes any person’s past. That person may have to deal with certain challenges because of his past going forward. But the Lord is sufficient. You can walk in holiness and joy no matter what you’ve experienced in the past.

“The Lord’s transforming grace overcomes any person’s past. You can walk in holiness and joy no matter what you’ve experienced.”

That’s not only true for you, but that’s true for our brethren. And that’s what we want to help them to understand.

God doesn’t make mistakes, nor does he give too much to handle. He was working in our past in a mysterious but perfect way, which we don’t understand now. But we will understand at the end.

Like Ecclesiastes says, “Man has eternity in his heart. He wants to know the end from the beginning.” But we won’t know it right now.

When you come to your past, you say, “Why did God do this? I don’t know, and maybe you won’t know until you go to see the Lord.” But we do know what his word declares: that the Lord was there, that he was doing it all in perfect wisdom, in love for his people whom he loved before the foundation of the world.

And if he gave them Christ, how would he not freely give all other good things? That’s true for you, and it’s true for your past.

All right, that’s all we have time to talk about today. Do you have questions about these two topics or about the homework? Come talk with me afterwards.

Let’s close in prayer. Lord, thank you for your word. Thank you that we are set free from the past, and that consequently, we can forgive. We can forgive with your forgiveness those who have sinned against us and hurt us in the past.

Lord, I pray that that’s what you would do among your people, even today, this morning. Make us a forgiving people who can rest in you about our past. In Jesus’ name, amen. Thank you.

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