In this lesson, Pastor Dave Capoccia overviews seven biblical emphases for parental instruction and four critical considerations for blended/step-families. Pastor Dave then opens up a time a testimony for Christian parents in the class.
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Lea thing that touched me most personally when I got to the very end um was about that the rod promotes an atmosphere of closeness and openness between parent and child the parent who is engaging his child and refusing to ignore things that challenge the Integrity of their relationship um which is important will experience intimacy with so I thought back um yeah when a child is allowed to be Solen and disobedient distance develops between the parent and the child so I thought back to my own life and as a teenager I was given a lot of freedom and though I don’t didn’t don’t think I would have wanted the discipline um I think that I could see where it would have definitely um brought me closer to to my parents I was given that as I would have rebelled against it and not wanted it heart of hearts I think that would have made a big difference yeah that is interesting that’s a good observation Lea mentioning the idea that discipline actually brings closeness discipline Done Right brings closeness between the parent and child not the opposite and that’s what a lot of people are fearful of if I discipline them or if I discipline them this way they’re not going to like me and we’re not going to have a relationship but it’s actually the opposite because when you don’t discipline or when you discipline wrongly that’s what promotes the distance either in being totally independent or when you use a discipline form that just allows them to um stew in their unhappiness against their parent but a discipline in general but even in particular the discipline of the rod it allows that issue to be dealt with quickly and completely and then you move on and parent and child can enjoy their relationship other observations and questions yeah Mark a couple phras that he used that I really like that on a resue mission ours ands to that God has given us for that toa’s point it’s counterintuitive yeah it’s counterintuitive but the closeness cly experienced that my father thankfully our kids the other phrase used haral and know [Music] no discipline for the moment I’m just reading this morning psm4 how blessed is the person you discipline you draw close and then result isace yeah and I just just God doesn’t discipline us because he do us yeah yeah so Mark bringing out a couple of phrases from the chapter having a rescue mentality when it comes to discipline even the discipline of the rod because that’s actually a Biblical phrase that’s the way Proverbs describes it you will rescue his soul from sh from the grave so it is a it is a mercy mission that you’re on and maybe seems counterintuitive especially in our culture how could this be rescuing no it’s going to cause distance no it’s actually the opposite but also it’s not just okay I want to prevent him from going and experiencing the negative outcome of his way but also I want him to have the Harvest that comes from this investment in the beginning in two ways it’s an investment and a harvest mentality the parent is sewing and going to generally reap a positive Harvest from his committed discipline even the discipline of the rod but also the child I like the one of the other phrases he used in the chapter I think it was this chapter maybe it’s other places in the book where he talks about keeping children on the path of blessing and when they are disobedient they’ve strayed from that path and they’re no longer going to reap the peace um that comes from the way of righteousness the benefits that come from that so you want to get them back on that path and the rod is one way that you can do that and so it is indeed an act of love to to discipline not only discipline of course even says at the end of the chapter it’s got to be paired with love and communication but it is an important part of our calling as parents well I hope that that chapter was helpful to you I do encourage you to read read the rest of the book even obtain the copy for yourself I think there’s a lot of valuable information there but I hope that particular chapter was helpful I do have something else though I’d like you to read from a different book when it comes to Parenting and that’s your homework for this week I’d like you to read a chapter from John MacArthur’s book successful Christian parenting it’s an older book I don’t know if it’s um quite as popular now but has a great chapter in there called understanding your child’s greatest need like you to read that I’ve sent it to you if you’re part of the class list it and just make five observations or questions on that so that you can share them next time John MacArthur probably needs no introduction for most of you he’s the longtime pastor at Grace Community Church in California famous Christian Author and speaker and the founder of the master Seminary where I attended and received my mdiv degree chapter’s about 17 and a half pages but the margins are wide so hopefully the reading won’t be too arous any questions about the homework okay well we turn to today’s topic God’s design for parenting part two last week we noted how many parents don’t experience God’s intended blessing in parenting because they are ignorant of or unwilling to follow God’s way we also noted that there is a great deal of Freedom when it comes to Christian parenting Freedom that should free us up from unfairly judging ourselves or others with a standard that is not really God’s we also looked at seven aspects of God’s design for parenting that all Christians should follow there’s a great deal of freedom but there are certain commitments that you must have according to the scriptures and tried to go over those with you last week I’m not going to go over those again you can see them on the slide for today I have three agenda items I’d first like to consider with you seven biblical emphases in Parental instruction talked a fair amount about discipline last week we’re going to talk a little bit more about instruction today second I’d like to discuss special considerations for parents in Blended families that is parents in or families that have been formed with stepchild step sibling step parent relationships and then I’d also like to give you some time at the end of today’s class to give testimony regarding God’s design for parenting though of course my intent is to teach you from the scriptures what God says about parenting even if I have not personally experienced all the stages of Parenthood I still have come to know the scriptures and have been well taught by Christian teachers who are parents nevertheless I think you will be encouraged to hear the testimonies and even the counsil of Brethren who have been through it or who are going through it different stages of parenting so I’m going to leave some time for that at the end of class today but let’s get to our first agenda item seven biblical emphases in Parental instruction we saw last week that Christian parents are called to bring up their children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord but what kind of instruction exactly should parents be diligent to provide for their children it is in the Lord but can we be more specific well one sense the answer that question is basic and easy what is the instruction of the Lord that parents are to give their children it’s the word of God it’s the Bible and God does tell us many times in the Bible that we are to teach his word we are to teach his Commandments we are to teach his wisdom to the Next Generation so in one sense that’s what Christians are called to do Christian parents should be looking for and creating opportunities to teach and to talk about what the Bible says with their kids but we can be even more specific than that there are certain parts of the Bible that Christian parents should highlight for their children and why do I say that well consider this there are two books of the Bible that are specifically addressed to young people anybody know which two Proverbs and Ecclesiastes now someone might say well what about first and second Timothy they’re addressed to a young person but well that’s a little bit unique because the young person is also an Apostolic representative and a church leader and the letter that is addressed to him is also addressed to the church that he’s with so so it’s not exactly or I should say this only certain parts of those letters give specific direction to young people but as for Proverbs and Ecclesiastes you can notice some phrasing that indicates the target audience Proverbs begins in its opening by saying one of its purposes is and this is Proverbs 1:4 to give Prudence to the naive to the youth knowledge and discretion Proverbs 18 shortly thereafter continues here my son your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching in Proverbs 7 when trying to warn The Listener about immorality Proverbs 7: 6 to7 the author writes for at the window of my house I looked out through my lattice and I saw among the naive and discerned among the youths a young man lacking sense so you can see the target audience there but Ecclesiastes also which you might not be like oh no it’s kind of a mature book consider some of the phrases at the end of that book Ecclesiastes 11:9 Rejoice young man during your childhood and let your heart be pleasant during the days of Young Manhood and follow the impulses of your heart and the desires of your eyes yet know that God will bring you into judgment for all these things couple verses later Ecclesiastes 121 remember also your creator in the days of your youth it’s kind of a useless instruction if you’re you’re not talking to somebody who’s a youth and Ecclesiastes 12:12 but beyond this my son be warned the writing of many books is endless so then if certain books of the Bible are specifically directed towards the young it makes sense to conclude that certain Bible truths especially in those books are worth emphasizing to young people even from their parents so what truths might those be I put together a list of seven this isn’t necessarily exhausted but these ones that seem main to me and they mainly come from Proverbs and Ecclesiastes we’ll look at each of these briefly what should parents emphasize in their instruction to their children number one parents should teach their children about the nature and value of wisdom isn’t that the chief concern of these two books Proverbs opens with this concept repeatedly returns to it young people must realize how much they lack but need and should desire wisdom true skill for living and also recognize where they can find it with God Proverbs 17 declares that the fear of the Lord the fear of Yahweh is the beginning of wisdom Proverbs 4:7 declares that the beginning of wisdom is acquire wisdom you have to recognize your need for it and you have to go after it Proverbs 2 and proverbs 4 urge young people to seek wisdom like a prize and hold fast to it like a Priceless treasure even if that wisdom comes by painful correction Proverbs and Ecclesiastes describe many of the temporal benefits that accompany wisdom even God’s wisdom and these include honor economic Prosperity deliverance from trouble good health friendship but these books also emphasize the lasting gain that comes from wisdom life happiness contentment a right relationship with God deliverance from God’s coming judgment so parents should teach their children about the nature and value of wisdom and along with that number two parents should teach their children about the danger and consequences of folly Dr Street in his counseling class says that children come into the world as hedonistic existentialists that is to say children feel like they should be they naturally feel like they should be allowed to do whatever they want without experiencing the consequences for it children arrive naive with a bent towards foolishness and parents need to show them we need to show them from God’s reliable word the nature and outcome of that path of folly as Proverbs 1 5 6 7 and nine teach we need to be realistic with our children first of all about the Allure of folly it’s going to seem good it’s going to look good it’s going to feel good at first lady Folly says in Proverbs 9:17 foolishness personified stolen water is sweet and bread eaten in secret is Pleasant to indulge their flesh to do what they feel like to refuse to heed correction and instruction will naturally seem oh so good to our children we need to be realistic with them about that but we also need to warn them about the devastating outcome of even a little foolishness Proverbs 9:18 right after that statement from lady Folly that says it’s going to be so good Proverbs 9:18 says but he that is the naive one who goes to her does not know that the Dead are there that her guests are in the depths of shil that is the grave you remember that statement from Ecclesiastes 10 it talks about how a little foolishness spoils so much good just one little fly in the ointment and it’s all spoiled as with wisdom there are great temporal consequences to Folly dishonor poverty needless trouble and pain poor health destroyed relationships but Proverbs and Ecclesiastes also point us to the lasting consequences of folly death misery anxiety Amity with God and a sure and hopeless judgment to come so we need to help our children see and choose God’s better way of life and wisdom over the flesh’s way of death and foolishness now these we should look to instruct our children in generally but we can also give specific instances of wisdom versus Folly and they’re going to be the next emphases I share with you number three parents should teach their children about the importance of good companions strikingly the very first instruction in Proverbs 1 after the opening seven verses is a warning to the young listener from becoming the companion of foolish Sinners and joining with them in their evil Enterprises they will entice they’ll say come with us we’re going to do this thing we’re not going to get in trouble but he says beware don’t go with them Proverbs 2 goes on to say that wisdom will specifically guard a person from the devious man and the devious woman who wants to bring a person to join them on their path on the other side Proverbs and Ecclesiastes declare the benefit and protection that comes with walking with the wise walking with God-fearing companions Proverbs 13:20 Proverbs 13:20 says He Who Walks With The Wise will be wise but the companion of fools will suffer harm Ecclesiastes 75 says Ecclesiastes 75 it is better to listen to the rebuke of a wise man than for one to listen to the song of fools so parents your children’s friends and teachers and to a certain extent media personalities they will be a strong influence on your children so you must not only teach your children about the need for discernment and the necessity of seeking out good companions for themselves but also especially in your children’s early days you need to be ready to intervene to limit or even remove certain relationships in your child’s life that are an ongoing bad influence number four parents should teach their children about God’s design for marriage and sex poignantly in the foundational introductory section of Proverbs Proverbs 1-9 at least two and a half of the nine chapters Proverbs 5 and 7 and half of six they are focused on the danger of sexual sin and how a person must respond to that danger why so much emphasis why so much text devoted to that topic well the conclusion must be because the issue is particularly important for young people the issue of course appears in Ecclesiastes 7: 23 to 29 as an issue of basic but critical wisdom you might remember that passage Solomon says I’ve been searching my whole life for that ultimate wisdom I couldn’t find it but I did find this the woman whose heart is snares and Nets and whose hands are chains and talks about the consequences that come from a relationship like that it’s basic wisdom we parents must teach our children about the Allure of sexual sin its enslaving nature its terrible long- lasting consequences even Eternal consequences and its origin in the desires of Their Own Heart these are all things that Proverbs emphasizes but the teaching must not all be negative as Proverbs 5:15 and 19 says we should also teach her children about the goodness the honor the Delight that comes from God’s design for marriage and the sexual relationship there we will have to be proactive rather than merely reactive in teaching our children about these things we cannot simply wait until our children’s have already gotten into trouble before we address these topics with them indeed many parents are hesitant to bring up the topic of sex with their children or perhaps they think to themselves that around puberty parents can have talk and then never have to speak about it again but that’s foolish it’s likely to set up your children for failure why is that because while you’re not talking to your kids about marriage and sex guess who is the world their own flesh and Satan really with all the teaching teaching topics I’m mentioning right now but definitely this one parents should speak to their children early and often about God’s design for marriage and sex this is not one sitdown conversation you have at a key moment in their lives this is a conversation that should be taking place over years at age appropriate levels you will not share everything in the beginning but as they grow up you will share more and more but it needs to be a topic from even early days and one address without embarrassment but also without perversity like I said in the lesson on God’s design for marriage and marital Union let the Bible itself and its forthrightness on this topic be a model and an encouragement to you so that you may purposefully address these to these topics with your children it’s a critical area of Truth and understand that if you avoid this topic or if you teach your children explicitly or implicitly never to talk about it you may make yourself more comfortable but you do a serious disservice to your children number five parents should teach their children about the importance of hard work and discipline some of this will come through of course in your formative discipline you make sure you don’t do everything for your kids or they’ll feel entitled you need to teach them that they must understand the need for hard work in this world but this would also be an ongoing emphasis in your communication your instruction Proverbs 6 6-11 as well as many individual Proverbs throughout that book they teach the necessity and the reward of hard work and the self-destructive consequences of laziness Ecclesiastes meanwhile while warning against workaholism commends working hard as one of the best ways to enjoy life that’s Ecclesiastes 9 even if we do bring in the letters of Timothy 1 Timothy 47 and 8 emphasizes the important of hard the importance of hard work discipline and self-denial for the Christian Life to remind you of those verses 1 Timothy 47b to8 on the other hand discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness for bodily discipline is only of little profit but godliness is profitable for all things since it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come so many aspects of practical spiritual relational familial and professional life are wrapped up in a person’s ability to delay gratification persevere against the Flesh and accomplish important tasks your child will naturally be inclined towards laziness and the pursuit of tasks that don’t really matter you must love your children enough to teach them and model before them the importance of hard work and discipline number six parents to teach teach their children the vapor-like nature of life and this is what Ecclesiastes is all about right and this is an important important balancing measure to teaching our children the truths of the Proverbs our naturally naive children will will be inclined to take to make too much out of the passing Gifts of this world and even wisdom itself they will be inclined to make too much out of food drink work marriage sex and wisdom they might be inclined to take the maxims of Proverbs as promises that will apply in every case life will go well for them always if they just pursue God’s way but we need to teach our children the truth of Ecclesiastes that because of the curse of sin life is a vapor nothing satisfies nothing secures nothing is completely understandable and nothing lasts moreover death is coming quickly and will make everything that they live for now meaningless and frustrating but of course this isn’t meant to leave your kids or yourself a depressed nihilist this is to show them this is to lead them to fear God and to live for him and to find grateful satisfaction in his little gifts but not treat them as ultimate Treasures not only will teaching our children thus help prevent them from becoming thoroughly destabilized when they encounter the vapor-like nature of Life firsthand dad I I worked so hard on this and it didn’t work yeah I know that’s the vapor-like nature of life we will prevent them from being particularly destabilized but also if and when they take these truths to Heart they will become humbler more grateful and more satisfied people it’s an important Truth for them to real realiz and then finally number seven this is probably the one that you expect the most right parents should teach their children about Christ and the gospel Christ and the gospel more implicitly rather than explicitly taught in Proverbs and Ecclesiastes but we would be Dar licked as parents if alongside all the other ways that we do need and want to prepare our children for living life skillfully in this world we neglect to teach them what is most important what is most critical not just for this life but the life to come many of us have memorized 2 Timothy 3:16-17 two great verses about the word of God but we should also notice the two verses that come before 2 Timothy 3:14 and 15 which say this ISS Paul speaking to Timothy you however continue in the things you have learned and become convinced of knowing from whom you have learned them and that from childhood you have known the sacred writings which are able to give you the wisdom that leads to Salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus children are capable of understanding the gospel and even understanding Jesus Christ from a young age we parents want what was said of Timothy to be said of our kids from childhood they know the sacred writings able to give the wisdom that leads to Salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus so teach your children about Christ about who he is about what he’s done about how lovely and awesome he is know the gospel and teach it to your children so that they may know it and also as You observe and train your children applied the gospel to them as a counselor so that they may see where they are still falling short even when they can quote the gospel back to you for example are is your child confident in his own righteousness due to his external Behavior does everything right on the outside well emphasize to him God’s requirements about the heart even that everyone falls short there is your child frustrated by his inability to be perfect show them that this was always God’s intention in the law and his commands so they would find their righteousness by faith in Christ alone is your child angry or depressed about his circumstances teach him what lies behind that anger and hopelessness Pride idolatry a desire for One’s Own Way teaching that a holy jealous and loving God both requires and entreats them to give up their own way even all worldly Treasures in order to have him and that having God having Jesus Christ is worth giving up everything I always think of something in this book that he talks about he says when your child becomes angry it’s actually a great moment because they’re showing you what they really value in their heart and now you know what you need to speak to now as I said in the last lesson you cannot force a child to believe and be saved but let it be said of our households that any failure of our children to believe or persever in the gospel was not due to negligence from the parents not due to the parents neglecting to exalt Christ and to teach apply and model the gospel to their kids and who knows the Lord May yet use our imperfect yet faithful instruction while they are in the household to one day be what God uses to draw back that wayward child to himself and saving Faith so for certain these seven truths from the scriptures should find particular emphasis in Christian parental instruction and if you’re wondering to yourself well sounds great but how am I going to find a good opportunity for those things how am I going to get a gooda occasion to teach my children these topics well one answer is study Proverbs and Ecclesiastes with your kids make it something that you regularly come back to because that will make it much more natural for you to have an extended conversation with them about these topics they might naturally have questions and you can supply answers now before we move to our time of testimony I’d like to briefly address the issue of Blended families step families you could say that Blended families are just like any other families and that they should simply adopt the principles we’ve already discussed in this course about maraging and parenting in order to do well and that’s true nevertheless we would do well to highlight some specific challenges for Blended families challenges that require a special focus and emphasis from the scriptures especially in counseling after all if you read through the case steady which I included in the email to the class list you can see how quickly even two Christians forming a blended family yet not prepared for the special challenges that such a family creates can run into conflict Despair and even the temptation to divorce the fundamental challenge facing a blended family is twofold the assumption that a spouse may do whatever he or she did in the previous marriage in the new one especially with his stepchildren and the assumption that is not only permissible but righteous for a parent to prioritize his or her own biological children over the stepchildren and even the other spouse in other words there’s a strong Temptation for Blended families to become child centered homes which is always damaging to marriages and especially to second marriages when a husband and wife are not on the same page when it comes to the children but instead feel the need to defend their biological children against the other spouse and when the stepchildren become aware of their ability to manipulate their biological parent and or stepparent to get what the children want you have a recipe for family disaster so how should a husband and wife of a blended family prepare to meet the challenge of their situation I’m going to offer you four critical considerations just briefly number one step family first of all needs hope especially if they’ve started off poorly they need to know that God is bigger than their problems and that they are not Beyond his help they also need to know that if they are willing to own up to their own sins take person responsibility for their own actions and attitudes they can change it will be a battle especially in their own Hearts but God can bring about amazing change when people are willing to get to the Heart level there is hope you need to show them hope number two stepparents need a high view of marriage they must be shown from the Bible and continually reminded that according to God their marriage takes precedence over their children yes even their biological children just because a marriage is a second marriage doesn’t make it any less of a marriage in God’s eyes nor is the marriage god’s second best for the spouse they do not have a sublevel marriage they have a first level marriage that God expects will become the number one prioritized relationship in their lives one flesh relations must take precedence over mere blood relations by ological children may resent this reality at first but the children too need to have a high view they need to learn a high view of God and of marriage God wants their parent they need to understand God wants their parent to prioritize the other spouse over his or her own children furthermore step parents must remember that their marriage relationship is permanent but the parenting relationship at least within the home is temporary children are raised to leave so if you focus on the children you’re going to experience the long-term consequences of that child centered homes usually collapse once children leave because the spouses have never prioritized and seldom invested in their relationship with each other step parents need a high view of marriage but also number three step parents need a biblically realistic view of their children just because children lost a parent through death or divorce does not suddenly make them innocent rather these children are still Sinners with Folly bound up in their hearts naturally of course the suffering of bereavement or divorce is real for both the parent and the children it is not to be discounted however that suffering can become an excuse for a biological parent to become overprotective or his or her own children and to resent the parenting of the stepparent which can easily seem extra insensitive and overbearing by contrast the Bible teaches us that we are not victims of our circumstances and can we cannot blame a bad past or cling to a good past which is always Rosier in our memory than in reality Ecclesiastes 7:10 we are responsible despite whatever influences we may have on us even from the past we are responsible for how we choose to deal with our circumstances in the present as are our children therefore step parents need to hold their children accountable step parents need to be ready for the sinful passions and desires of biological children to attempt to pit a biological parent against the step parent and make the home child centered this will be a natural in inclination for a foolish child parents need to be ready for that a child will be inclined to pray on the affection of a biological parent and use it as a wedge to drive the parent and stepparent apart for the child’s own SE self-centered purposes step parents must be ready for this must not allow themselves to be manipulated in this way and must not excuse the child for attempting to do so and finally number four the step parents need unity in their parenting approach from the beginning of a blended family the husband and wife must come to an agreement in how they will parent their children specifically the parents must agree about the biblical roles of husband and wife in the house the husband is the head but he should seek and Trust his wife’s insights into her biological children he is responsible to love them as much as he loves his own biological children the wife is to be a submissive helper voluntarily coming in line with her husband’s ideas for presenting a united front to the children biological and stepchildren they also need to be United when it comes to biblical communication that addresses the hearts of the children sometimes stepfathers come in simply determin to lay down the law with the kids but in doing so these stepfathers can easily become distant tyrants furthermore both stepparents could be attracted to behavioristic parenting techniques that just focus on the outside these seem easy and quick to implement but children especially stepchildren need to see that their parents have their own long-term interests at heart the child’s best interest in mind and this the way this is communicated is by patient and loving communication alongside discipline but patient and loving communication that listens to understand and that seeks to address add the idols of the heart helping the children understand their own attitudes desires and actions of course parents can only model or parents can only do this when they themselves model heart honesty and deal with their own Idols parents need to come to agreement step parents need to come to agreement for biblical and wise rules for the home they must uphold God’s absolute rules for sure things like lying cheating stealing promiscuity there’s no wiggle room there but provisional rules for the household should be negotiated between the husband and wife husband should be looking for his wife’s insight and counsel the wife should be looking to provide that but also line herself up under her husband so things like cleaning rooms chores clothing grades their children’s friends that needs to be discussed and negotiated parents want rules that promote a harmonious home but that also do not needlessly provoke or exasperate the children and finally the parents need to come to agreement about a Biblical and consistent system of discipline both parents need to sit down and come up with a procedure of discipline that they can actually do and then they need to follow through with it and support one another in that again parents should do their best to use discipline methods that do not provoke their children to anger but establishing a wise and consistent discipline will go a long way to Bringing about Harmony in the new Blended home now note this does not necessarily mean that every child in the home is treated the exact same way some children may need more attention than others just as God is never fair but always just and chooses to act differently with one person than with another according to the needs of each person so parents may need to do the same with their children never never acting unjust but parenting each child as that child needs to be parented now if you have questions about those teaching emphases that I gave you or those considerations for Blended families please email me or talk to me afterwards here in church but I now would like to take some time to just hear testimony hear testim testimony from all of you regarding your experience as Christian parents perhaps how you saw the word of the Lord proed true how you experienced children as a blessing or even how you implemented the Bible’s instruction on parenting in the way that was helpful for your home so I’d like to hear from many of you but because I have the microphone and I’ll need to repeat what you have to say please don’t make your testimony too long or otherwise it’ll be hard to summarize but what are what are some ways that you can give testimony about God’s design for parenting I guess I’ll start to maybe make it a little bit less awkward so I’ve only been em and I have been parents for a year officially because Benjamin turned one-year-old on the 12th of this month and wow what a blessing it is to have Benjamin in our lives we were a little bit nervous about becoming parents especially because our relationship was so good even without a child so we’re like oh what’s it going to be like when we have a child we have to take care of but it just feels like we our life got upgraded and partially that is just because Benjamin’s such a sweet boy he’s a he’s a naturally I don’t know he seems like a good baby among babies are um my family calls him a propaganda baby and my pediatrician calls him a a starter baby so one encourages you to have more kids so maybe there’s just some of him being a naturally sweet boy but one thing also is that we have sought to apply the Bible’s instruction even when it comes to discipline we noticed around 10 or 11 months that he was he would do something that we told him not to do and then he would look at us to see if we were G to do anything about it so we’re like oh is it is it time to discipline and eventually we decided that it was and you know what we already see how he’s learning and changing we don’t have to keep telling him no because he’s he’s beginning to learn to respect our voices and to realize that no that’s not right for me to do and even even the world will will tell you that you know according to scientist pediatricians around 11 months is about the time that children understand what no means so it can be a time for discipline anyways it’s been it’s been a great experience so far but we’re continuing to learn but what are some other testimonies IES div and have children disant ability to to Discipline Your Child um [Music] and I both experienced that you’ve almost made your ineffective so it’s just another point to bring out as to the the devastation that that divorce does because not only children hurting so so deeply now you discipline them POS yeah so that’s a good observation Leela just mentioning that when you go through a divorce and now your child is being shared with a spouse who’s no longer part of the household and is not in agreement with you about how to parent their children it makes it much harder to have effective discipline with your your children because even what you do is is often undone by the other spouse now certainly parents are still called to fulfill their role to fulfill discipline as best they can but recognizing that is just part of the unfortunate consequences and damage of divorce it will make it hard hard to consistently discipline and instruct a child it’s true what else yeah Mark I thinking about Deuteronomy it talks about God’s to be on our hearts and then teach them diligently to our kids and talk about them all the time right I’ve been um both encouraged and discouraged by the power of example my kids have picked up that they told me later were good but also very convicted by the things that they you know they had a little bit of an intervention with at one point you know we got talk D about a couple things and you know I guess I would summarize it this way that um I think for Betty and I our effectivess as parents is directly related to our responding to God’s discipline as his children just always making that clear to our kids like we’re still kids too to our Heavenly Father and we need to demonstrate to you repentance and Faith so you know as I get older the regrets can pile up but also see that as an opportunity to we Comm demon ours we found kind ofar to be powerful yeah thanks Mark you said number of valuable things there so to summarize Deuteronomy of course talks about the need to instruct your children all the time but one of the ways we do that is by example and sometimes we inadvertently give a bad example and our kids can pick up on that not just observing it but they can adopt it I know other parents have talked about like when their kid did something they like where did he get that from or where did he get that word from how does he speak like that we never taught him that and it’s like wait yes he did you just weren’t thinking about it when you did but you’re right one of the ways that a parent should deal with that reality is certainly try to be the best example that you can but also own up to your your sins to your failures and that’s actually a very valuable teaching opportunity because as you said it shows your kids that in a sense the parents are kids too to the heavenly father and we as under our heavenly father want to respond to his discipline to his instruction and and we’re still growing and we want to show that to our kids so certainly as things happen in the household and you become aware of it you want to repent and make it right right then but even afterwards when you realize oh man I was like that with my kids when they were growing up and I never really owned up to it that’s still a valuable teaching opportunity to uh even at that later date to say I want to I want to make Riot I want to confess what what I had done before and providing a bad example because I want to point you to the heavenly father yeah what else yeah Jody [Music] hang on let me repeat that or else I might lose it so Jody just talking about how the burden of your child salvation can become overwhelming if you forget that it’s not ultimately up to your effort it’s it’s up to God and you you were drawn to that truth from the miracle of Jesus multiplying the Loaves and Fishes and that what looks like a meager starting point and offering from man God was able to use in a mighty way and that is often what he does with with households with Christian households I am also thinking of Psalm 127 which we know the first part of it unless the Lord builds the house they labor in vain who build it but if you look at the second part of that Psalm it applies that to Children it says children are a blessing from the Lord the womb the fruit of the womb is a reward so the house that he’s talking about there that people could be so worried about so um frantic about making sure it’s in order is a family house but God says I’m the one who ultimately builds a house so trust me all right Jody you had more to say children could yeah yeah yeah so let me repeat what you said there I mean the first idea about the unhelpful nature of comparing your family situation that doesn’t just apply to kids that applies to spouses that applies to pretty much any anybody in the world if you start comparing your life to someone else’s it’s almost always going to be bad as a result you’re either going to feel Superior to them and proud or you’re going to feel inferior to them and then discontent and upset but what we must realize as Christians is that well whatever God’s doing with me is right for me and that’s according to his wisdom is also a truth that you were seeking to encourage and admonish your children with that is well ultimately we’re under God but even as parents we know you best we have put these things together for you these rules this direction for our family for a reason and we do have your best interest in mind so we ask you to continue to follow our direction we ask you to continue to submit uh I was going to say something else in relation to that oh it reminds me too of how in scriptures God commands us to do certain things but he also sometimes adds an explanation and encouragement to it so as parents in one sense you can be like well I’m the parent so you’ve got to follow me that’s what that’s what God’s will for you is but we also seek to encourage our kids and say but this really is for your good we do know you we’ve invested so much in you there’s a reason that we’ve chosen to do things a certain way maybe you don’t see it right now but you will later so we ask you to trust us that’s that’s um maybe or that is is a helpful thing to do with kids [Music] right yeah right right Jody so just making the point that exactly what we’re trying to teach and model for our children are the things that we have to do ourselves with God and that really goes back to what Mark was saying before we submit to his discipline we asked our children to submit to our discipline yeah eston h yeah so that’s good esbon a good point to emphasize just talking about how he observed even in his young children or in one particular that what she watched impacted the way that she treated her father and imitating even a show that depicts the father as not really knowing what’s going on and that became the the daughter’s own attitude until you removed that influence and she became more trusting again now there is I think a way of overemphasizing the influence of media and being like oh this is the reason that kids are bad there’s a there’s a way to overdo it but we also don’t want to underdo it no the music the movies the video games the entertainment that your kids are exposed to or choose for themselves it does play a role of influence and so you want to be aware of that and even if necessary remove certain influences that are not going to be good for your child in the long term yeah Danny [Music] yeah thank you jny so he mentioned 1 Timothy 2:15 which talks about women being preserved or saved depending on the translation through the bearing of children but that’s not the only verse I did put it as um a set of references on one of the slides last week even though fathers are ultimately responsible for the raising their children in the New Testament you do see references to wives mothers expected to raise children and even in one passage it says keep house now in our culture it has become more of an issue even more of a controversial issue of should mothers work outside the home and we could talk more extensively about that we don’t have a ton of time right now but one thing that certainly is clear from the scriptures is that because of the gifting and calling of mothers they must prioritize the health and growth of the household so if a mother can do that and still maintain work outside the home okay but if that work or that whatever obligations outside the home are now interfering in her ability to minister to her husband or children then she needs to rep prioritize she needs to maybe remove certain things or limit certain things because the primary calling for mothers beyond the ministry to the husband is the children and the household if that’s an order and you have a time for other things fine but we don’t want to just fall into the mold of our culture and say well if you don’t have both husband and wife working well you can’t survive in this economy well I think Danny makes a good point as Christians we say well I’m going to follow the lord first and if that means I have to live with less whether we’re not able to do certain things to the family that we used to do in our single lifestyle so be it I want to follow the lord first and he said I’ll take care of the other things so that’s a that’s a good comment yeah mark just to reinforce that I I say ay amen and um it used to be understood that phrase Hand That Rocks the CR rules the world and honoring of the influence of others that I think is true that we lost you know just I think the sense of value or disci or just the worth of women it’s kind of under attack do that L the reality is that in a sense you’re becomes famous or they don’t say hi Dad right say hi Mom there’s just something about that connection yeah yeah Mark that’s good so just to summarize what you said that our culture definitely looks down on motherhood or or speaks about it like it’s a hindrance to what you really need or what you will really enjoy in life but the scriptures present the opposite point of view that it is a great honor to be a mother and actually a a very important and influential role in the family and in the world you mentioned the phrase The Hand That Rocks the Cradle rules the world that is something that we have to I think purposefully push against in Our Minds when it comes to the culture that to be a mother is not a downgrade or to even stay at home with the children is not oh well now you have a second rate life no this is actually an honorable this is a um what’s the word I’m looking for this is a high calling that I get to fulfill not that I have to fulfill that I get to fulfill as a woman as a wife as a mother and I think that even going back to the verse that Jenny mentioned 1 Timothy 2:15 it is a somewhat perplexing verse you got to work through it carefully but I think one of the things it emphasizes is that mothers have an amazing role to play in the leading the human race out of bondage to sin in a sense the way I’ve I’ve heard this interpreted and I think there’s there’s a lot of sense to it is that the first woman led the human race into sin to a certain to a certain extent Adam was ultimately responsible but she also has all women since then have the opportunity and the calling as mothers to help lead the human race out of sin in the raising of their children so it is definitely not a calling to be despised to be looked down on it is to be embraced and to be protected and that we’re going to have to fight against our culture in that way well thank you for sharing those testimonies and I’m sure we could hear more but that’s it for today next week we’re going to tle tackle the topics of homosexuality and abuse and then after that in two weeks time we have our question and answer session so coming near at the end of our course but like I said if you have comments or questions that you didn’t get to share today that you’d like to come see me in church later or send me an email oh and start thinking about the questions you’d like to ask for the Q&A because I’d like to have those ahead of time so that I can actually prepare an answer all right well let’s close in prayer Lord we thank you for families we thank you for your family but again we thank you for the physical families that you made us part of because of sin and the Brokenness of the world they’re Lord not always ideal sometimes they are formed as a result of divorce or sometimes they have children who will not respond to the faithful instruction of their parents but Lord we know overall it is still good and we want to Steward these gifts wisely Lord I pray that you’d bless the families of this church bless the marriages bless the parents bless the children I pray Lord that we would come more and more in Conformity to your design not only because that’s our duty and not only because it’ll be a witness to the world but because Lord it will be such blessing for us and that’s always been your intent in Jesus name amen