In this tenth and final lesson of the Biblical Counseling 101 class, Pastor Dave Capoccia finishes presenting a practical method for counseling based on biblical principles. Pastor Dave explains the last four steps of this method in part 2:
1. Begin Counseling
2. Gain Involvement
3. Gather Data
4. Interpret Data
5. Provide Instruction
6. Give Homework
7. Give Hope
8. End Counseling
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heavenly father equip us again today to be what you’ve called us to be counselors to one another proficient in your truth full of compassion and zeal for you our compassion for others and zeal for you help me to be able to explain well now in this time amen well we have come to the end let’s take one last look at homework assignments in lesson nine i asked you to continue to read the bible pray every day continue your journaling and then you have some extra credit notes any comments or questions on the homework okay your last assignments in many ways i want you to keep doing what you’ve been doing don’t just say okay the course is done i’m not going to read the bible and pray anymore no that’s a habit you need for your whole life but also complete any homework assignments you’ve missed i know a number of you have been diligent to keep up with the homework assignments some of you fell off or never were able to do it tell me you need to go back and do it you’ve missed half the course if you haven’t done the homework assignments and that’s it’s really for your benefit and the benefit of those that you will counsel so please go back now that we’ve come to the end of the course go back and do any homework assignments you missed the readings the worksheets whatever it is and i’ve also given you one more extra credit resource we’ll be talking about how you assign homework and counseling today and i’ve given you some examples that i’ll send you electronically extra counseling worksheets and a few other resources so that’s your last homework assignment well what are we talking about today in our last class part two of how to counsel we are looking to apply the background and the biblical principles that we’ve talked about earlier in this course and a practical method for counseling and we’ve already looked at the first four steps we talked about how you begin counseling how you gain involvement you gather data and you interpret data now let’s talk about the second half and again let’s not just leave this theoretical imagine you are actually in a real counseling situation you approached or approached by someone looking for the focused discipleship of counseling you made sure that you were spiritually biblically and logistically equipped to help that person and begin counseling you had the person fill out a pdi that was very helpful and you had a first session together where you laid out expectations about what the counseling is going to look like also in that first session you begin to gain involvement and gather data what does it mean to gain involvement again can anyone tell me yeah tina yes yes so exactly so building their relationship with your counselor even as you gather data but just communicating that you really care you’re sincere and your compassion towards him and that puts you in a much better position to help the person you want to be doing that from the first session of course you also want to be gathering data but why why gather data i mean it’s a lot of work why gather data yeah um exactly exactly if you don’t gather data or if you don’t gather enough data you may come to some conclusions or you may supply some assumptions that are inappropriate and they’re going to hinder you in counseling you’re not going to be able to minister to the real issues because you don’t really know what’s going on so you need to take the time remember those two proverbs that i quoted to you last time from proverbs 18 he who gives an answer before he hears it is folly and shame to him and the first who presents his case seems right until another comes to examine him so you’ve got to gather data take the time to gather data starting from your first session but also throughout your counseling one point worth emphasizing in the gathering of data is that you do need to not be naive sometimes you will encounter a partially or maybe holy unreliable witness ideally your counselor is completely honest and transparent with you and as you gain involvement with him and if he’s serious about changing that will be more the case but don’t necessarily believe everything that you hear especially if you’re counseling a situation that involves more than one person every time i’ve counseled a married couple who’s in conflict i have discovered that if you only listen to one side you get a skewed view of the situation sometimes an outright misleading or deceptive view of the situation now certainly you want to stress to your counselees from the beginning in your expectations that they need to be honest with you if you’re actually going to help them change and if you suspect that your counseling is not being totally totally honest with you don’t just accuse him or her of lying if you do that that is a sure way to lose involvement rather probe further underscore to him or her the necessity and benefit of being honest and if things your counseling has said contradict each other or clash with some other kind of evidence point it out to the counseling and invite an explanation generally you should take your counselor’s word for what’s going on but don’t be naive so you’ve had your first session you’ve set the expectations you gain you’re looking to gain involvement you’re gathering information you’ve formed an interpretation of what’s going on you’ve even presented it to your counselling for feedback and verification and it has been validated counseling thinks you’re right you have a good idea of what’s going on so now what how do you move forward in the counseling and how do you help your counseling change and become more like christ well this is where we go to step five provide instruction provide instruction to help your counseling change you need to provide clear and relevant instruction from the bible it is called biblical counseling after all you want to train your counseling in righteousness using the supreme and sufficient scriptures that we’ve already examined they are supreme insufficient because they come from the supreme insufficient lord the lord jesus christ show your counseling how he needs to change and why he can do it now there will be one radical difference in how you give instruction based on whether your counselee is an unbeliever or a believer from your data gathering you may discover it but though your counseling professes to be a believer he does not understand the gospel or is not able to articulate it or has even if he can talk about it has never really believed it or put it into practice he doesn’t have any fruit of the gospel in his life this means as you discern this you cannot proceed in more specific counseling for this counseli you cannot help your counseling overcome particular spiritual problems until you deal with a deeper issue which is he needs to repent and believe in jesus christ as my counseling professor dr john street like to say all counseling is pre-counseling until a person comes to christ you really cannot do biblical counseling until someone knows the lord if a person is still dead in sin if he’s still king of his own heart if he’s still enslaved to his passions there’s little profit in instructing him about specific issues like worry anger or sexual purity he’s not going to be able to change from the heart and if he does change it will only be outwardly it will soon lead to a relapse or worse a life of hypocritical self-righteousness you’ll create a pharisee so in such a situation where you from what you can tell there’s evidence that this person is not really a believer you need to switch from the counselor role to the evangelist role engage in what can be called problem oriented evangelism show your unbelieving counselee where his problems are ultimately coming from this is not coming from a spouse that just can’t get along with you or an unjust world that you live in or miscommunication between you and others rather your problems come from a life that fundamentally fails to follow scripture that ignores god and that lives for sin itself yeah april question yeah that’s a great question april if you if another thing you gather from your data is that they’re not going to a good church or a church that’s not preaching the true gospel that gives a skewed view of the gospel should you tell them to go somewhere else and i think the answer is yes i told you the very beginning it’s much more difficult to counsel somebody who’s not in a good church because you have to unteach what they’re being taught there so as they communicate to you what their church teaches or you just do your own research and you say oh man that’s that’s not the gospel or that’s that’s leading to a life that justifies sin you need to bring it up say hey this is something i’ve learned about your church and this is not going to be helpful for you here’s what the bible actually says and if we’re to have a profitable time of counseling together you need reinforcement from a biblical church especially one that’s preaching the true gospel now it doesn’t mean the church needs to line up with you on every single issue but on the fundamentals yes and that’s why like i said the safest way to do this is say hey i’d love to counsel you but one of my requirements is that you come to my church that way i know you’re getting good teaching and that way you and i can interact further outside of the counseling session but anyways yeah that’s a good question but getting back to what i was saying here trying to show somebody that his problems go deeper than the surface level issues that he’s been presenting to you it’s a matter of rebellion of his heart against the lord why is your life such a mess because your heart is raging against god you need to get right with god if you’re ever going to face these problems rightly and so of course at that point you want to explain to your gosh your counselling what the gospel really is tell them about jesus christ tell them about faith and repentance and call them to it all the while all the while though being careful to clarify to your accounts lee that you’re not offering jesus as a cosmic genie to fix all his problems a get out of problem free card no you should be honest that following christ might bring its own problems it might not change his situation might bring persecution but still in christ your counselly can actually know god it can be rescued from the wrath that is due all of us for sin and he can walk in joy and holiness in the midst of his problems he can respond to his problems rightly and even have joy doing it so you’re clarifying for him that these certain service level things that he’s or no this is what i want to say clarify for him that there are certain surface level things that he can do to improve his problems or to feel better you can’t apply basic wisdom even if he’s not a believer but the real help the deeper help hope that deals with the heart problems and eternal problems for your counseling that only comes by the gospel by faith and repentance in jesus christ i want to help your counseling understand these things and it once he does he’s still not willing to repent and believe he says i’m not ready or i don’t want to do that well it’s time to discontinue counseling there’s really no more help that you can give him than that don’t let him go without leaving a heavenly burr in his saddle so to speak remind him of the truth or proverbs 13 15 for instance proverbs 13 15 good understanding produces favor but the way of the treacherous is hard the longer you continue in sin and rebellion against god you’re just going to make your way more difficult call him to repentance and faith and make clear that if he has questions or he is in fact willing to change that you’re glad to talk further but otherwise there’s not really much more that you can say in your times together that will help him so all of that to clarify that if you detect that your counsel is not a believer cannot really give him more helpful instruction than the gospel you have to stay at that pre-counseling stage now you might ask what if i’m not sure if he’s a believer that’s often maybe the case in the beginning of some counseling here’s the fundamental approach treat him as a believer at first not enough evidence to say he’s not okay treat him as believer but if he fails to implement the wisdom of the bible confront him about it say hey you told me that you love christ that you want to follow him that you’re even willing to do whatever it takes to live a life and obedience to him but over these weeks of counseling your life says the opposite you’ve resisted the counsel you have not implemented it even though you agree with me in the session that you act you should act a certain way you’re not doing it why is that the bible says this is the way an unbeliever acts is it possible that you’ve not yet come to know jesus and given kingship over your life to him so really whether a person is a believer or an unbeliever if he persists in sin the bible says you treat him the same way and you give him the same message you’ve got to call them to repentance and faith say i don’t know where your heart is ultimately the lord does but i do know this that if you really know the lord it should show up in a life of obedience and fruit i’m not seeing it so you need to make your calling and election sure it’s time to really repent and change otherwise our meeting together is not profitable now what about giving instruction to a believer instructing the believer is the ideal on biblical counseling because you know that the believer has the spirit of god in him he actually can change he can put god’s word into practice and he must but he needs help that’s why god’s brought you together with that person you need to show him how and why and again that means that you need to give him clear and accurate instruction from the bible the bible is what’s going to help him change by the spirit of god salsa is why you need to know the bible well as a counselor you need to know where to take him in the bible to instruct him over whatever particular issues he is dealing with need to be able to explain those passages clearly and accurately so that he can understand them and put them into practice really what this is is that you’re leading your counselling in proper bible study which is really good because i don’t know that not only will help him in dealing immediately with his soul problem but it also models for him what should be happening in his whole christian life you’re showing him how to study the bible and how to apply it to dealing with the problems of life you’re modeling that for him another way to say this is that you need to be an expository counselor you need to know the importance or you know to know the meaning of important biblical words you need to make sure that you always determine the verse’s meaning according to its context you want to interpret the scriptures in harmony with the rest of the scriptures you want to become generally familiar with various books of the bible and what they’re about what their god-given purposes are i want to should be able to show how various portions of scripture scripture connect to or end with jesus christ be able to explain how biblical instruction translates into action in the christian life especially that three factored application of renewing the mind and putting off and putting on as ephesians 4 22 to 24 talks about it’s part of this you’re helping your counsel come up with and implement a specific strategy to put into practice what the bible says when you’re tempted to worry here’s what you should do or when your spouse says something disrespectful to you this is what needs to be in your mind or here’s how you’re going to put off and put on when it comes to sexual purity help him come up with a specific strategy show how the bible works in life and also be able to clearly differentiate between divine directives and merely human suggestions preferences or possible applications for example i’ve advised counselors married counselors to have a time of devotions together it’s not required according to the bible but it’s a good practice i want to clarify that this is not a divine directive in terms of you need to spend this much amount of time you need to pray and you need to read this but this is a good application of biblical principles i think it’ll be helpful for you and that’s why i want you to do it now you might hear some of those requirements in terms of being able to provide instruction and be like uh whoa i’m definitely not there yet i don’t know the bible that well i understand but that means it’s time to start practicing and building up your biblical competency you can start developing a topical list of passages so that you are ready to help somebody with different issues this is something that over time i’ve gotten practiced in so that i know oh someone’s dealing with anger i’m probably going to need to go to matthew 5 or james chapter 4.
dealing with lust proverbs 5 first corinthians 6 dealing with anxiety matthew 5 again philippians 4 and other passages you want to start familiarizing yourself with that even by your own research and also start familiarizing yourself with various good books good christian books or other kinds of resources that you can use in counseling for example i’ve started to have certain go-to resources when somebody presents a certain type of problem to me i’ve got marriage troubles then i’m probably going to go to wayne mack strengthening your marriage or dealing with an issue in parenting i’m going to shepherding a child’s heart by ted tripp or dealing with pornography finally free by heath lambert these are resources that i’ve used before and i found to be really helpful you’ll find as you try to put together biblical resources and christian books that were built on the bible one of the best ways to get yourself familiar and practice with them is to apply it to a real world situation i need this for myself or here’s somebody i know who’s struggling with this issue i need to research i need to get some resources so i can help them once you do that it sticks with you when you have a real situation that you’re applying to it often sticks better in your mind than if it’s just theoretical and by the way using a christian book often functions as a great framework for your counseling time you can move along together with your counseling through the different chapters of a book and then supplement that instruction with specific studies of bible passages and other content say hey you’re working with a couple hey i i hear about your your marriage situation and you want help there that’s great why don’t we start working through a book together we’ll start meeting together and we’ll start working through this book here’s a homework assignment i want you to read these chapters and then we’re going to come back and talk about it and build on that it’s a great way to structure your time otherwise sometimes you’re like what do i do next a book can kind of help you give you some framework now even though there is only one source really one ultimate source for the content of our instruction the supreme insufficient word of christ the way you communicate that content will vary the way you communicate biblical instruction will vary and part of this has to do with the needs of your counselee i want to give an instruction that is appropriate to your counselee in the specific situation that he faces his specific problems his needs his condition his spiritual maturity his receptivity to counsel his personal background it also may not be the right time to give certain bits of instruction to someone if they’re caught up in grief or if they just experienced a shocking sin revelation you will need to address certain things but maybe not immediately deal with other problems first be sensitive to the needs of the moment ephesians 4 29 also the method of your instruction will vary based on what you’re wanting to teach and the best learning style as you can discern it don’t feel like you just need to lecture them the whole time that is one possible mode of instruction but you can also use observation practical experience research discussion question and answer reading assignments evaluation asking him to evaluate self-disclosure role-playing okay you talked about the situation with you and your spouse pretend that i’m your spouse i say this to you how do you respond you can use that you can use interviews you can use visuals visual diagrams and representations of some of the things from the bible are also often really helpful for people don’t feel like you have to use one specific mode you want to be able to use a variety of modes in terms of what’s going to best help your counseling and hand in hand with this step of providing instruction is giving homework number six so five we provide instruction number six we give homework really giving homework as part of providing instruction but i wanted to emphasize it so i made it its own category i want to give it extra emphasis wayne mack if you don’t know him he’s a very experienced counselor he’s done a number of counseling books he’s with acbc he says this about counseling homework in his book introduction to biblical counseling this is wayne mack he says we can help our counselors to avoid frustration and discouragement by helping them to understand that change is a gradual process requiring practice and we can help them through the change process by assigning homework that facilitates practice not just homework that teaches principles but homework that requires application of those principles told you that giving instruction needs to involve translating the bible into action and your homework is one of the primary ways that you can do that our counselors need to put the jews of the bible into practice if they’re going to become trained out of unrighteousness entrained in righteousness your counseling homework is translating whatever you’ve discussed in the counseling session into action for the counseling you as the counselor plan specific strategies on pertinent biblical directives the counseling then practices those strategies in his life and as he perseveres as he applies the biblical principles repeatedly over and over it will become the godly patterns of thinking feeling and behavior that need to be integrated into his life you’re training him the win the flesh no one likes to do homework counseling homework is great for many reasons first of all it puts responsibility for change where it belongs on the counselee you’re not responsible to make him change he is you as the counselor are a help and a guide in the process but he’s ultimately responsible homework keeps expectations clear for both the counselor and the counselling this is what you need to do it helps minimize dependence on the counseling of the counseling on the counselor he learns that oh i don’t just go to him for everything i have these other resources and ultimately i’m going to the lord in his word helps the counselor to be a good steward of his time by using the homework you help teach and apply and practice much more quickly you also gather data more quickly as you use homework that does that you bring out problems and patterns more quickly and you also discover those who are not serious about change i told you that somebody doesn’t do the homework probably indicates that they they’re not really interested in change as christ calls them to be homer continues counseling principles between sessions homework communicates to you count your counseling that you believe things can be different today they don’t have to wait until the next counseling session they can they can start doing what the bible says now they can immediately start putting god’s truth into practice and homework provides data for future counseling for your future times with your counseling or what kind of homework should you give your counseling well good homework has certain qualities good homework is first of all specific don’t ask your counselor all right for homework be more loving to your spouse eh better at least once a day serve your spouse in one of the five specific ways your spouse has asked you to serve him or her and then write a paragraph about how it goes and i want to read that paragraph next time you come to the counseling session that’s just one example but notice how it’s specific you give your counseling specific homework specific goals it’s more likely he’ll be able to do them good homework also involves both knowing and acting the counseling does need to learn more but remember ultimately they need to apply they need to put it into practice good assignments need to be appropriate to the counselor’s problems and good homework this is key gets reviewed at the beginning of each counseling session what is the most common gripes of any student whether elementary school middle school high school or college when it comes to homework we don’t even go over it in the class what’s the point of doing it we never talk about it we don’t even go over the correct answers you don’t want to put your accounts leaning in that kind of difficult situation homework homework is a good friend to you in counseling actually homework is what sets the agenda largely for each counseling session if you’re meeting with a meeting with your counselor for an hour which is my recommended amount of time 15 to 20 minutes should be going over and discussing the homework if you’re wondering man what am i going to do in that hour part of it a good part of it has got to be going over the homework and whatever you do in the rest of the session should build off of the homework respond to whatever is in the homework like i said it helps set the agenda agenda by integrating homework into your counseling sessions this way you not only show your counselors how important it is that they do the homework because after all half your session a third of your session is just the homework they don’t do it that’s a big problem it’s important that they do the homework you show them that by saying we’re going to go over it we’re going to talk about it extensively but also it makes it much easier for you as a counselor in planning your time planning what you’re going to talk about each session you’re going to build off of the homework to give you a specific example saying let’s say i’m trying to help a man with sexual purity i might give him a chapter or two to read and finally free for homework read these chapters write down five observations or questions and we’ll talk about it and in the next counseling session we do spend 15 minutes 15 20 minutes going over the reading and then we spend some more of our time looking further into one of the bible passages that came up in the reading and then we brainstormed together what translating the principles of that passage looks like in everyday living and putting those into practice is part of the next homework so homework is your friend use homework to help set the agenda to underscore the importance of practicing the biblical truths don’t avoid homework and don’t let your counselling avoid homework i think it’s the experience of many christians that they’re trying to help their brothers and sisters in their faith trying to counsel them but they’re just like man they never seem to put into practice what i’m saying we have a good time together when we meet once a week but then they’re no different the next time one of the reasons for that i think is that lack of application that lack of homework so use homework homework is your great friend and ally in counseling but what kind of homework should you give we talked about some qualities of homework but specific types of homework well you won’t be surprised to hear that many of the more common and useful kinds of homework are the ones that i’ve assigned you in this counseling course i’ve already given you many examples and models of course that was on purpose to help teach you what kind of homework usually works well bible reading and bible passages pamphlets booklets reading books or chapters from books having them listen to sermons or other recordings of different kinds data gathering assignments such as journaling they have what’s uh sometimes no let me say this in the example homework that i’ve given you for extra credit the extra notes you see one type of journaling called an upset journal you’ll see more about that what that is there’s the journal that i came up with i called the t journal it’s not that different use journaling for your counseling assign journaling assign daily devotions or focus devotions on certain scriptures that apply to their problems require church attendance require the putting into practice certain loving deeds give them different kinds of worksheets to fill out these are all different types of homework you can use variety of types of homework for your counseling and you’ve seen examples you’ve experienced them yourself there are more ideas for homework in different resources wayne mack has a book a homework manual for biblical living some resources there and a lot of biblical counseling sites and magazines also have other examples of homework you can use but you want to assign homework get creative with the homework make sure it’s relevant match your assignment to your counseling and what he’s going through and be prepared especially in the beginning that maybe not all of your homework assignments are going to work out or be effective this certainly was the case for me when i started biblical counseling i signed some homework and i’m like okay didn’t really work out the way that i intended that’s okay mistakes are painful but they’re okay they should be expected don’t don’t think you’re gonna get everything perfect the first time that you try you’ll never get better if you don’t try something as a counselor and the same is true for your counselee he won’t get better he won’t be able to put those truths and have them become a habit in his life if he doesn’t practice if he doesn’t try so give homework to your counseling be careful of course not to give too much homework be discerning about how much your counselling can handle based on his spiritual maturity his competency and just what’s going on in his life better to ask your counsel up front if what you are assigning him is impossible or too much ask him up front and say hey does this seem like too much will you be able to do this much better to ask him up front and have him say yeah i think that’s too much rather than to come in next week already with your preparations for the counseling session and he says sorry i couldn’t do it it was too much ask him up front be understanding towards your counseling but also again set the expectation that your counseling will do all the homework assigned and let you know upfront if otherwise it’s too much so number five provide instruction number six give homework now as i said last time in the beginning there’s more data gathering but that gets less over time as you’ve gathered the data and there’s less instruction in the beginning but that gets greater over time as you’ve gathered the data and put your interpretation into practice so it’s kind of like they’re they’re crossing their their when one increases the other decreases but the next step in our counseling method is something that you should be doing something you should be giving your counseling the entire time and that is number seven give hope give hope if christians are anything we should be a people of hope and why is that because our god is a god of hope the scriptures say this directly romans 15 13 romans 15 13 says now may the god of hope fill you with all joy and peace and believing so that you will abound in hope by the power of the holy spirit hope is a key part of the motivation to pursue and persevere in the process of sanctification following after christ the biblical process of change we need hope and again you can see the connection the scriptures of someone who’s trying to overcome a situation and his need for hope psalm 42 5 psalm 42 5 gives an example of the psalmist directing his heart back to hope instead of despair when he faces hard circumstances he says why are you in despair oh my soul and why have you become disturbed within me hope in god for i shall again praise him for the help of his presence in romans 5 3-5 romans 5 3-5 paul links hope with the christian’s ability to endure righteously through tribulation paul says not only this but we also exult in our tribulations knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance and perseverance proven character and proven character hope and hope does not disappoint because the love of god has been poured out within our hearts through the holy spirit it was given to us and of course our christian hope doesn’t just culminate in what god will do for us in this life but ultimately in the life to come in romans 8 24-25 right after talking about what god will or part of talking about what god will do for believers even in raising them from the dead and bringing them into a kingdom that is no longer of futility paul says this romans 8 24 and 25 for in hope we have been saved but hope that is seen is not hope for who hopes for what he already sees but if we hope for what we do not see with perseverance we wait eagerly for it it’s a direct connection between hoping and what god will do in the future and being able to persevere in the present considering the importance of hope in the christian life we would do well to give hope to everyone it isn’t what the scriptures say encourage one another more and more day after day as you see the day of christ approaching but our counselies especially need hope and why is that well i told you last time most people wait to get counseling until they’ve reached what point absolute crisis the brink of ruin which means they are very low on hope those who need this specific ministry of counseling are people low on hope they’ve had their problems for a long time their problems are serious and difficult sometimes they have had life-shattering experiences they have failed in big ways they are spiritually weak sometimes they suffer from many physical afflictions they have marriage difficulties they face weighty life decisions and situations and sometimes they describe themselves as depressed or even suicidal because of this reality in our accounts we need to give them hope from the first session and throughout what kind of hope should you give them should we give them be careful don’t give them a false or unrealistic hope don’t tell them don’t worry you’ll recover from this cancer are you sure god will heal your marriage and bring your spouse back what if god doesn’t i have this impression from god that you’ll soon find a new job how do you know whether how do you know for certain whether that impression is from god or merely from your own mind be careful don’t give your counseling an empty or a false hope that is based on wrong goals a denial of reality or mere mystical thinking you’re setting your counseling up for a huge fall if you do we don’t want to persuade our counselors to hope in something that neither we or they can know for certain they may appeal for us appeal to us for that kind of hope do you think my spouse will come back you think my family will change i don’t know it’s true that oftentimes applying the scriptures does bring about healing in relationships to a certain degree it does improve often life situations but remember what we learned in ecclesiastes there’s no perfect wisdom to guarantee absolute security or success in life generally it’s helpful but ultimately that’s not in our control we don’t want to direct them to an empty hope but we do want to direct them to a true hope a true and sure word of hope and where does that come from the scripture it’s the result of salvation and relationship with jesus christ it’s realistic it’s sure and it is based on a choice a choice to hope first peter 1 13 says first peter 1 13 therefore prepare your minds for action keep sober in spirit fix your hope completely not on change circumstances but on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of jesus christ we cannot guarantee for our counsels that their circumstantial problems will go away or get better sometimes following christ makes the situation harder but we can direct people to an unchanging god who is himself sufficient for us and whose promises will never fail we say to our counselees friend no matter what kind of pattern you’ve gotten yourself into in your life christ is able to change you from the heart and he can uphold you no matter what situation you are in if you will pursue him by faith even if your circumstances your difficult circumstances don’t change you can have joy you can have peace in knowing that you are pleasing the lord and walking according to his will you can glorify him in the midst of trouble and the lord will take note and he will reward you if not now than in the life to come what is this this is fundamentally uh hold on this is fundamentally what i think i’ve talked about before we are directing our counselies back to christ in the gospel we don’t have anything better than that but that is the best where does hope come from christ the gospel that’s what we believed at first it’s what your counsellors need to believe again direct them to that hope from the beginning of your time together and throughout how can you help your counseling grow in hope there are some different means that you want to use help them just grow in their relationship with jesus christ and love for him they see christ as more and more precious it won’t naturally build their hope in him teach your counsel to think biblically think biblically about their situation about god’s character i found this in counseling a lot of times people who are struggling with hope it’s because they have wrong ideas about god they’ve come to believe certain things about god that are not true according to the bible you need to help them think biblically god does love you god does have he is acting in perfect wisdom for you he is sovereign over your situation help them to think biblically about god help them to think biblically about the possibility of good even when it seems impossible god can still bring about good in this situation he is a good god help them to think biblically about the divine resources that they have that enable change and perseverance you can do this the lord will enable you help them think biblically about the true nature and cause of their problems help them think biblically about the language they use to describe their problems i’ve emphasized this throughout right get them away from worldly language that is often hopeless or undermines hope i have this addiction i i am mentally ill i have this disorder that doesn’t encourage change or hope i’m stuck get them thinking biblically and using biblical language and that applies to many many categories also be solution oriented with your counsellings help them see how they’re going to get from where they are to where god wants them to be because sometimes they don’t know how to proceed and that’s what destroys their hope help them think clearly look the lord is going to enable you to change as you trust in him and here’s how we’re going to do that specifically i’m going to walk with you here’s how we’re going to move from here to there be solution oriented and help them see as they begin to embark on those solutions the iceberg principle that is as god is proven sufficient for dealing with certain known problems he can be trusted with others as well and sometimes when your counseling sees that that’s when they tell you about the deeper problems ah well the lord is sufficient for this as well as they make progress point that out for them say look you are changing look god is doing this in your heart even from last week you’re doing something different than you did before that’s the lord at work in you and if he’s already started working he will continue as you continue to trust in him and then finally be a model of hope and victory yourself for your counselly sometimes in counseling especially at the beginning your counseling will have to live off of your hope they have to borrow it from you because they have none left but as they see that you have hope in god despite the extremity of their situation and that your hope is not mere words and platitudes but backed up with your confident and sincere actions on their behalf that will build their hope in god say he’s confident he’s confident in the lord’s work she’s confident in the lord’s work maybe there is hope maybe the lord really can change me and help me to respond to the situation rightly you might have to be there you have to support them until they’re able to see the hope that they have in the lord on their own so provide instruction give homework and give hope now let’s say you’re doing all these things along with the other four steps that we’ve mentioned and you make it to your sixth session which i told you is generally a good time for a checkup session tell your counselor in the beginning let’s see how we’re doing after six sessions well you arrive there what do you do then and how do you know when to end counseling let’s talk about that in our last step number eight end counseling i told you it’s a good idea to have a special time of assessment in your sixth session but you want to be assessing progress all along by the sixth for sure you definitely want to have a good sense of whether the counseling is proving effective or not you’re looking for certain things such as i don’t have these all listed here so you can just listen the counselor understands what caused his or her problems and the biblical way of handling those problems does he understand his situation and how to deal with it from the bible counseling is beginning to understand and implement a new response pattern counseling begins to practice this new pattern automatically it’s becoming his habit the counseling has failed but can diagnose the reason for his failure and make plans for correcting the problem don’t expect perfection but a good sign is if he does stumble if he does turn back into that sin does he know why it happened and does he know how to deal with it how to get back up can the counseling state specifically how he or she has changed has the counselling been tested has been put in new trials and yet proven victorious in the test someone who was formally just always getting in fights with his spouse had a situation where they could have gotten into a fight but they didn’t and maybe even more than one can others verify a change in the counseling maybe the spouse does the counseling begin to share his victory with others spontaneously what he or she is learning even in informal counseling he says you just find out that he’s telling another he was struggling with his marriage but now he’s telling other people how they can seek the lord in their marriages that’s a good sign does the counseling also have an increased love for jesus christ and for others he’s seeing as you assess these different categories and you see fruit that’s a great sign that’s great that’s where you want to praise the lord and say thank you god you’re the one who did this but don’t stop counseling just yet as you will see those good fruit in a counselling you see that they’re actually changing encourage them about the grace of god at work in their lives but keep meeting with them they’ll taper off gradually wean off your meeting with them and see if they continue well when you’re not meeting as frequently instead of meeting every week meet every two weeks and if they do well with that meet after three weeks and if they still do well with that they’re still growing and continuing in the things that you’ve talked about together then have one last session with them this would probably be around the ninth or tenth session where you review what they’ve learned you track how they’ve grown and you just give praise to god together that’s a great time it’s like a celebratory last session the ending of your formal counseling is of course not the end of your counseling or the end of your christian relationship it’s just the end of your time of focus discipleship together and like i said before often successful counseling results in a nice deep relationship with the person you’ve counseled they’re your friends they’re your close friend now in christ a change counseling is also well on his way to becoming a counselor himself teaching others what god has taught him through you and through the resources and homework that you assigned it’s actually the model that really should always be the case in counseling when somebody’s completed counseling they should be able to counsel others we should be multiplying counselors in the church a positive ending to counseling is what we’d all like to see and sometimes we do praise the lord that’s not always the way it turns out sometimes you have to end counseling for a different reason sometimes at your checkup meeting or even before that you can clearly observe that your counseling is not serious about following the lord or changing they’re not doing the homework they’re not consistently coming to the counseling sessions and more or less acting the same way as they did at the beginning in such cases you need to be straightforward with your counseling about what you see and how unless there is change it’s not profitable for you to continue to meet together you love him too much to just see him ignore counsel ignore the wisdom of god’s word and continue in destructive sin if this person attends your same church may also need to make clear as you have this straightforward conversation with your counselee that because you love him because you love christ and because you love christ church you will need to follow matthew 18 and confront him with another brother if he does not repent remember god’s dying for counseling god’s design for counseling is part of the church not apart from it and what did god command the church matthew 18 verses 15 to 18.
if your brother sins go and show him his fault in private if he listens to you you have won your brother but if he does not listen to you take one or two more with you so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed in many cases biblical counseling is the first step of church discipline but this is a good thing this is a good thing for two reasons one it gives counseling more teeth and seriousness change is not optional for the christian it is a matter of right fellowship with god in his church when your counseling knows and understands that that helps them take the counseling more seriously but also counseling integrated with church discipline it keeps the body pure if someone is continuing to live in sin despite confrontation and counsel extensive confrontation and counsel that person is going to be a negative influence on others in the church and he needs to be removed he’s not willing to take it seriously if he’s not willing to repent and change it needs to be removed from the body of course no one wants to have to practice church discipline but if necessary to honor christ and protect his church the biblical counselor needs to be ready to participate say this with compassion but say this with seriousness look friend this is what god has called me to do as your brother in christ and in our local church you cannot just simply continue in your sin you haven’t changed and if something’s not going to change now then i need to bring another brother alongside and we need to talk to you together so if there’s a good result to the checkup taper off to the last session a time of review and praise if there’s a bad result to the checkup underscore the seriousness of the situation observe for another session or two but is still no change end counseling with a warning what if the result is somewhere in the middle some progress but not enough that you’d feel comfortable ending the counseling and leaving your counseling on his own that sometimes is the case the best thing to do in that situation maybe adjust your approach spend a little bit more time together before you make a final decision say i need more time to observe friend counselling this is what i’m seeing so far we need to make more progress let’s continue for another two sessions and see where we are then something like that like i said before counseling shouldn’t go on forever generally more than 10 sessions isn’t advised but that’s not a hard rule as you assess the particular needs of your counseling situation you might say you know what this counseling is going to need more time but i’m able to give it and i’m willing if you’re not sure how or whether to continue it’s always good to get advice from another spiritually mature person or biblical counselor say hey here’s the situation here’s the progress i’ve seen still worried that i’m not seeing this what do you think i should do that will be helpful to you in some cases this is definitely not ideal but you might have to end counseling somewhere in the middle commending someone’s progress but encouraging them to pursue still more and saying we can possibly meet again in the future there was a one couple that emma met with in california we met with them for an entire year which was definitely more than 10 sessions there were some unique challenges to that situation and that was in the middle of the covet pandemic and that kind of set back some of things that we had tried to do with them but uh ultimately they didn’t progress to the point where we could be like yes you know you’re good to go but we couldn’t just keep counseling them especially once we moved back to new jersey so tried to commend them and to and to tell them to go forward in some of the places that are some of the ways that they still needed to change but uh we had to leave that with the lord we couldn’t just keep counseling them actually was encouraging the other day they sent a note saying that they had they had since been growing in the lord and um god had done a great work in their lives but that’s it that’s our whole method right there so i’ll go back to our our potential slide there again this is not an inspired method you don’t have to look up these steps somewhere in the bible it’s just an application of biblical principles but here’s a effective method for approaching counseling number one begin counseling number two gain involvement number three gather data number four interpret data number five provide instruction number six give homework number seven give hope number eight and counseling a few final thoughts as we end today’s class in our biblical counseling 101 course first thank you thank you for attending and participating in this class that’s an encouragement to me and i believe it’s a help to god’s church i hope this instruction has been helpful to you second even if you do not totally understand or remember everything that you heard in this class that’s okay i trust that you still gain something that will help you in your own sanctification and in your one and in your one anothering ministry that god has called you to put it into practice third i do not expect that necessarily just from this course any of you are ready for formal counseling hey i’m ready to be a counselor and do all that a counselor does i understand that this is just a foundation setting class i’m i’m not trying to expect too much from you but certainly you should be equipped more for informal counseling and if you are interested if the lord is raising you up with special joy and skill for formal counseling come talk to me come talk to me about it because the way to become trained as a formal counselor is not simply by sitting in classes but observing other counselors in action and participating with them and then counseling under their oversight before you counsel people on your own that’s the way i was trained as a biblical counselor i didn’t just take classes and then jump right into it i was gradually integrated more and more to what biblical counselors are already doing and i want to do the same for you so if you are showing interest or desire or god is raging up with some special skill and counseling come talk to me because i want i want you to become a greater resource in this church and also help train up other counselors but that will take some more training and i want to help you with that finally if you’re feeling overwhelmed totally inadequate to do counseling remember to some extent that is justified we are never sufficient for these things in and of ourselves it is good for us to prepare and get training that’s why i’ve done this course but ultimately the power is from god in the end you’re not going to do counseling perfectly neither am i but you know what the lord uses the imperfect the lord uses the weak the lord uses baked dirt ambassadors right as pastor bobby calls us christians from the scriptures but we have the privilege we have the privilege of participating in god’s glorious and powerful work so don’t don’t shy away just because you feel like you’re inadequate we all are but we can become more trained and god can still use us so let’s indeed do that whether informally or formally let’s use the word to minister to one another as god intended that is the end of the class no sunday school next week unless you’re in the new member’s class if other questions or comments please see me afterwards it’s closing prayer heavenly father thank you so much for this time of training and thank you lord that you’re the one who’s sufficient for counseling we can’t do it lord changing hearts is beyond us but you use us you have specifically ordained that you glorify yourself and using the weak to accomplish your good purposes you use the foolish those who are of little account to the world to show the strong and the supposedly wise that they are nothing before god lord use us use us to minister your word to one another to help marriages to help the discouraged to help those who have lost hope sanctify this church use us as part of that process and fill us with joy as we serve you in one another in this way in jesus name amen thank you everyone oh